IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The chart below gives information about the revenue of A&V Teach Company from 200 to 2004.

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Try for free →
The chart provides
date
Use the right word
data
show examples
 about
revenue
Correct article usage
the revenue
show examples
 information of
AV
Correct article usage
the AV
show examples
 tech
organization
Change the spelling
organisation
show examples
 between 2000 and 2004.
Overall
Linking Words
, the three electrical devices
surpassed a
Verb problem
experienced
show examples
 substantial growth over the next four years.Laptops were the
best seller
Replace the word
best-selling
 product in the company since the start and continued to raise till the next period of time. Laptops were introduced in the 2000s by the AV business
it
Correct pronoun usage
, which
show examples
 recorded higher
sales
Use synonyms
 and reached 4% of consumers. Over the next
year
Add a comma
year,
show examples
 it experienced a slight drop in
sales
Use synonyms
 at 3% and in 2002 rose again to 4%.
However
Linking Words
, in the next two
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
show examples
 it reached its highest
sales
Use synonyms
 point at 6% in 2003 and 8% in 2004.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
smart phones
Correct your spelling
smartphones
 did not pass the
sales
Use synonyms
 point in the two years (2001 and 2002)of production.In the next two
years
Add a comma
years,
show examples
 it had exceeded the
sales
Use synonyms
 rate at 3% in 2003 and
reaching
Wrong verb form
reached
show examples
 its peak point 9% in 2004.
In contrast
Linking Words
, cameras
also
Linking Words
 didn't experience any
sales
Use synonyms
 in the first year that they were introduced in 2001.Over the period of time cameras
sales
Use synonyms
 rose steadily at 1% in 2002 and reaching 3% in 2003.
Linking Words
Finally
Add a comma
Finally,
show examples
 the consumption of
camera
Check wording
cameras
show examples
 rose slightly at 3.5% in 2004.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words sales with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "slight" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: