IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?

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Every human must
take
Verb problem
make
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 important
decisions
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 that either prove to be risky or
a
Verb problem
are
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 carefully planned
decision
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apply
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.
This
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 might involve both their personal
or
Correct word choice
and
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 professional
lives
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 where they had to take a risk which can alter their
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lives
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life
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 trajectory. In my opinion, risks have significantly more
disadvatages
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disadvantages
 as they can cause more harm than good. Risky
decisions
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 can change humans’ life in an
instance
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instant
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 as they have a lesser chance of success.
Hence
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, these
decisions
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 must be carefully planned and executed to reduce the failure percentage.
Additionally
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, better
decisions
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 are made in various scenarios when risk is analysed by
outweighing
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weighing
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 both pros and cons of a situation.
For example
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, business executives research the demands of the market on a daily basis to make an
infomed
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informed
 decision that will profit the company in the near future.
Moreover
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, people can secure their
lives
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 when they intentionally plan their future
instead
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 of making hasty
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decisions
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decisions,
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 especially
while
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 making financial
decisions
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.
As a result
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, they can become financially stable as there are high chances of making
risk averse
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risk-averse
decisions
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instead
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 of impatiently investing in various assets.
On the other hand
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, people can lose their jobs by taking risky
decisions
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 without consulting their peers. It can lead
unpresidented
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unprecedented
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 outcomes which might affect their families as well.
For instance
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, risky financial
decisions
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 can lead to
familes
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families
 suffering financial losses
such
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 as
loosing
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losing
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 their savings and investment properties.
Furthermore
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,
this
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 can tarnish their
reputatation
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reputation
 in
the
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apply
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society
which
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, which
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 can
severe
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sever
 their relationships and ties with others both in personal and professional
lives
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.
Moreover
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, risks can always lead to health issues
due to
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 stress and pressure on human beings. In conclusion,
although
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 taking risks can make some people successful in
a
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the
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 short term, carefully planned
decisions
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 will lead
a
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to a
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secure and stable future in the long term

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task response
Answer the question more directly. Say clearly why the bad sides are stronger than the good sides in each main part.
task response
Add one main idea about the good side of risk, then explain why it is still weaker. This will make your position more balanced and clear.
task response
Use more clear and specific examples. Your business example is useful, but it is about careful planning more than risk.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one clear main idea in each body paragraph. Some parts repeat the same point about planning and safety.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas in a smoother way. Use simple linking words like first, also, however, because, so, and as a result.
coherence and cohesion
Develop each point with a short explanation and one example. This will help your ideas feel complete and easy to follow.
task response
You give a clear opinion in the introduction and keep the same view to the end.
task response
You answer the main question and talk about both personal life and work life.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear beginning, middle, and end.
coherence and cohesion
Most paragraphs follow a logical order.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Opportunities
  • Growth
  • Innovation
  • Challenges
  • Self-discovery
  • Resilience
  • Uncertainty
  • Consequences
  • Calculated risks
  • Stagnation
  • Regret
  • Comfort zone
  • Entrepreneurship
  • Adventurous spirit
  • Thriving
  • Failure
  • Mitigate
  • Reap the rewards
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