IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

he best way to reduce youth crime is to educate their parents with parental skills. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In
the
Correct article usage
apply
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contemporary society, it is common for people to believe that the best way to curb juvenile delinquency is to educate their caregivers with parental
skills
Use synonyms
.
Such
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 opinions can influence how teenagers are educated
, as
Punctuation problem
. As
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 far as I’m concerned, I partially agree with
this
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 viewpoint. First and foremost, it is believed that equipping parenting
skills
Use synonyms
 is an effective approach to curb juvenile
offenses
Change the spelling
offences
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. Specifically, as teenagers’ eyesight and mindset
enhancing
Verb problem
are enhancing
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 rapidly, wrong and rebellious thoughts
also
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 emerge.
Hence
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, using parenting
skills
Use synonyms
such
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 as suitable guidance,
accompany
Replace the word
accompaniment,
 and supervision can lead them to a shaped
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
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 habit and correct
value
Check wording
values
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.
For instance
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,
according to
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 research from Los Angeles, more than 70% of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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juvenile delinquency is caused by
the
Correct article usage
apply
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ignorance and
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
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 of parental involvement.
Therefore
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, improving parenting
skills
Use synonyms
 is definitely a vital approach.
Nevertheless
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, it would be misleading to regard
this
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 measure as the best solution, since juvenile offending is influenced by a wide range of social, educational and environmental factors. Specifically, apart from parental supervision, school and
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society
also
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plays
Correct subject-verb agreement
play
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 a crucial role in shaping teenagers’ behavior
while
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 the guidance that parents can give teenagers
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 actually limited. By way of example, adolescents spend more than 8 hours at school during weekdays and
hanging
Wrong verb form
hang
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 out for hours
in
Change preposition
at
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 weekends
in
Change preposition
on
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 average that are out of parents’ control.
Therefore
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, the best way of alleviating youth crime is not improving parental
skills
Use synonyms
. In summary, admittedly equipping
family bringing
Check wording
families
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 is a fundamental method of curbing juvenile crime
,
Punctuation problem
;
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Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
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 the complex constitution of society determines that teenagers
won’t
Correct your spelling
will not
 only be influenced
from
Change preposition
by
show examples
 their
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I partially agree with the viewpoint.

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task response
Make your main view more clear from the start. You say you partly agree, but later you say it is not the best way. Keep one clear line all through the essay.
task response
Answer all parts of the question in a more full way. Explain both why parent skill helps and why other causes of crime matter.
task response
Use examples that feel more real or explain them more. The Los Angeles study is helpful, but it needs more detail or a clearer link to your point.
coherence and cohesion
Put ideas together with simpler and clearer links. Some lines are hard to follow because the sentence is too long.
coherence and cohesion
Make each body paragraph have one main idea only, then explain it step by step.
coherence and cohesion
Check word order and grammar in linking parts, because small errors make the flow weak.
coherence and cohesion
You give a clear introduction and a clear ending.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a basic 4-part structure: intro, 2 body parts, and conclusion.
task response
You answer the question and give your own view.
task response
You use an example to support your idea about parents.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • nurturing environment
  • problematic behavior
  • adequately address
  • effective communication
  • supervision and guidance
  • positive activities
  • youth crime
  • parental skills
  • early signs
  • foster understanding
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