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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that social media has a negative impact on young people’s mental health. Others think that it helps young people communicate and express themselves. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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In recent years, social
media
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 has had various impacts on young
people
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, including effects on their physical and mental
health
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. Some
people
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 believe that social
media
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 can cause serious mental
health
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problems
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,
while
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 others think that it can help young
people
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 express themselves more freely. Both views have their merits. After considering both sides, I believe that social
media
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 can be useful, but its negative impact may be serious if young
people
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 use it without any
limitation
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limitations
show examples
. First of all, social
media
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 brings many benefits, including allowing
people
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 to spread their opinions more quickly and easily.
For example
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, some young
people
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 use social
media
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 as an advertising tool to promote products and themselves. They can write product reviews to attract potential buyers’ attention, and they can
also
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 share their opinions on current events to express who they are. By using different platforms, they can easily reach specific target audiences. Admittedly, social
media
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 can bring wealth and fame more quickly than before.
However
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,
this
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 may sometimes come with depression or anxiety. Some studies suggest that the large amount of information on the Internet, especially on social
media
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, may overload the human brain and cause different kinds of mental
health
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problems
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,
such
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 as anxiety and depression.
In addition
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, constant anxiety may
also
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 lead to physical
problems
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,
such
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 as headaches. The development of social
media
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 helps
people
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 learn new knowledge more efficiently. As mentioned above, social
media
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also
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 offers a new way to advertise and express oneself.
Nevertheless
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, unlimited use of the Internet may cause mental
health
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problems
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.
Therefore
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, we should educate young
people
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 to evaluate information carefully and choose useful information
instead
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 of simply accepting everything they see online. Most importantly, we should teach young
people
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 how to behave responsibly on the Internet.

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task response
For task response, give your own view more clearly and more often, not only at the end.
task response
For task response, explain both sides in a more equal way. The good side is clear, but the bad side needs one more full point.
task response
For task response, use one more real and clear example for the bad side.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, make paragraph 3 start more clearly as the other side of the argument.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, do not repeat the same idea in the last paragraph. Add one new final point instead.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, link ideas inside paragraphs with clearer cause and result words.
task response
For task response, you answered both views and gave your opinion.
task response
For task response, your main ideas are relevant to the topic.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, the essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, most paragraphs have one main focus.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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