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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

some people argue that music brings together the people of different cultures

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It is often argued that
music
Use synonyms
 has proven to be a beneficial source of bringing together the
pople
Correct your spelling
people
 of different nationalities,race and
culture
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cultures
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. I absolutely agree with the statement
as
Punctuation problem
, as
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music
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 has played a vital role in
this
Linking Words
 regard.
Music
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, which is a combination of various instruments with varying frequencies and pitches, sounds pleasing to everyone's ears. It has been an essential source of motivation for individuals
whether
Punctuation problem
, whether
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 it be war, depression or being oppressed.
the
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The
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 most recent example
for
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of
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this
Linking Words
 was Bob Marley, a musician and songwriter from the Caribbean. Through his motivational instrument play and inspiring lyrics,
brought
Correct pronoun usage
he brought
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 together and reunited the dispersed people of different communities.
This
Linking Words
 had a very positive and crucial role in
mind
Correct determiner usage
the
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 development of the upcoming generations. I am very fond of
music
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mysef
Correct your spelling
myself
. I enjoy and appreciate songs from different countries , regardless of the language or
type
Correct article usage
the type
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 of instruments these songs are created with.
This
Linking Words
 quality of
music
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 makes the people from different cultures
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 more and more curious and connected with the culture of the people of
its
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their
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 origin. Nowadays ,I have witnessed elderly folks endorsing modern
music
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 like K-POP from South Korea. The target audience is usually teenagers
but
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apply
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,
whenever
Correct word choice
but whenever
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 any of
it's song
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its songs
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 is played over the speakers, it creates an ambience and encourages
audience
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the audience
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 to dance and sway regardless of their age. In summary ,
music
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 is the only phenomenon which can be enjoyed without
even
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apply
show examples
any understanding of it. It has been connecting and will keep connecting nations all over the world with its impactful nature. mu

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coherence cohesion
Make your main idea more clear in each body part.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words in a more natural way.
task achievement
Add one more clear example to support your view.
task achievement
Explain how each example shows that music brings people together.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear start and end.
task achievement
Your essay answers the question and shows your opinion.
task achievement
You use real examples like Bob Marley and K-pop.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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