IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

You recently noticed a local restaurant that was offering a part-time job. Write a letter to the restaurant’s manager. In your letter, – explain that you would like to apply for the job – give some details of any relevant experience that you have – specify the days and times that would suit you

#restaurant #job #restaurant’s #manager #times
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Dear sir, I got the memo on job vacancies available at your restaurant via your Instagram platform. I am writing
this
 email to you to express my interest in the customer service role, and I would love to take the team lead position. I have a bachelor's degree in Mass Communication with quality managerial skills.
Besides
, I have more than three online training and certifications in customer relations and management from Havard Business School.
Also
, I have five years of experience working with top eateries in Paris.
Therefore
, in view of the above, I believe I meet up with every requirement needed for the job. Since I am currently doing my master's degree and research, I have limited time to take shifts. So, I would only be available on Mondays and during the weekends. Occasionally, I may be free to work on some Fridays.
Moreover
, during the summer break, I would have the opportunity to work full-time without any restrictions. I look forward to a response from you. Yours faithfully, Moses.
Submitted by peteromisakin on

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task achievement
Although your letter is clear and understandable, there are a few grammatical inaccuracies and awkward phrasings. For instance, 'I got the memo on job vacancies available...,' could be more formally expressed. Consider revising these small errors to make your letter sound more polished.
coherence cohesion
To improve logical structure, ensure that each paragraph has a clear purpose: an introduction, details about your experience, and your availability. Some transitions between these sections can be smoother.
suitable writing tone
Your letter is well-organized and has a professional tone, which is well-suited for this type of communication.
greeting and closing
The closing and greetings are appropriate and respectful, which makes a positive impression.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Part-time job
  • Hospitality industry
  • Culinary courses
  • Customer service skills
  • Operational hours
  • Flexibility
  • Communication skills
  • Team spirit
  • Reputation
  • Cuisine
  • Eager
  • References
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