IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

High school students should choose a university major that prepares them for high-paying careers. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Try for free →
Some people believe that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
students must pursue their
Use synonyms
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
 on the basis of higher studies , which leads to a
job
Use synonyms
 with a high pay scale. I partly agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement because, despite a high salary, the significant factor is the
interest
Use synonyms
 in the
job
Use synonyms
. The
interest
Use synonyms
 may bring the individuals happiness. First of all, students start their
career
Use synonyms
 building up from their schooling. At the school level, they can identify their
field
Use synonyms
 of
interest
Use synonyms
. So, the students focus their
career
Use synonyms
 on those particular aspects, which leads to a happy working atmosphere. Because if we get a
job
Use synonyms
 in our
field
Use synonyms
 of
interest
Use synonyms
,
then
Linking Words
 we can do the
job
Use synonyms
 with full satisfaction. Eventhough pay scale is small, working in our passionate
field
Use synonyms
 bring as a sense of fulfilment.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, even though the satisfaction in the work is
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
paramount
thing
Check wording
apply
show examples
, the earnings from the
job
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 lead us to a happy life. Because in our lives we need money for everything, even to have food. So we can not fully refuse the importance of money in our day-to-day life. In conclusion, I believe that choosing a
career
Use synonyms
 should be based on our
interest
Use synonyms
 in that
field
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
along with
Linking Words
interest
Use synonyms
, people should be aware to increase their earnings from the
job
Use synonyms
 gradually,
this
Linking Words
 it bring a financial stability.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Answer the question more directly. Say clearly how much you agree in the first part and keep this same idea in the body.
task response
Add one or two clear examples. This will make your ideas stronger and easier to believe.
task response
Develop each main idea more. Explain why interest is important and why money is important with fuller support.
coherence and cohesion
Put one clear main idea in each body paragraph. This will make the essay easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words carefully, such as first, however, and in conclusion. Some are used well, but some sentences still feel a bit hard to connect.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence flow and word form. A few parts are hard to follow, so clear grammar and simple sentence patterns can help the reader.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear introduction and a clear conclusion.
task response
Your main position is mostly clear: you partly agree and you think interest is very important.
task response
You include both sides of the topic: job interest and high pay.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a basic paragraph structure, which helps the reader follow your ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: