IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

There are an increasing number of advertisements that target children. Many parents are worried that these advertisements may be harmful to their children. However, some companies claim that their advertising provides children with useful information. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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In the modern digital era,
manyadvertisements
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many advertisements
 target
children
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 widely. Most of the parents'
concern
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concerns
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 regarding the harmful
impact
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 of the influence of
advertisements
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 on their
children
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's lives.
However
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, companies strongly argue that they provide
such
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 informative elements for the
children
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. In
this
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 essay, both
the
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apply
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views will be discussed, and I believe that most of the companies
are advertising
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advertise
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 their
product
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 with the intention of their higher profit rate rather than sharing informative things . First of all, as the parents are concerned, many of the young generations are addicted to
advertisements
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. Because
,
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apply
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 everything is now accessible at their fingertips with the
wide spread
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widespread use
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 of mobile phones. Most of the youngsters believe the information
that is
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 shared in the
advertisements
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 is absolutely correct. The
advertisements
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 attract the
children
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 to deliberately use the products. It may lead to a harmful
impact
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 on the
children
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.
For example
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, suppose a soap manufacturing company make an
advertisement
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,
then
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 they might showcase the benefits of their products despite the negative
impact
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 of their ingredients on the human body and skin. Youngsters who wish to maintain their skin glow
,
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apply
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 may try
this
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product
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 at least once. After two or three weeks of usage, they may realise the negative
impact
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 of the
product
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.
However
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, many of the companies strongly state that through the
advertisements
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, people can easily understand the current trends. They get opportunities to compare different products that are currently available in the market. Some of the
advertisements
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 can give new information
other
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, other
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 than the negative data.
Advertisements
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 improve
children
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's awareness
regarding
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of
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 new updates. In a busy life, a small
advertisement
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 can bring various useful pieces of information to young people. In conclusion, in my point of view, even though a company can introduce their new
product
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 to people through an
advertisement
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, the parents should be aware of how the
children
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 approach on that
advertisement
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. If the
children
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 blindly trust the
product
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 based on the
advertisement
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,
then
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 it may negatively affect their lives.

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task response
Answer both sides more fully. You talk about harm well, but the good side is shorter.
task response
Give your opinion more clearly in the body, not only in the end.
task response
Use more clear and real examples to support your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Make topic sentences more direct so each paragraph has one clear main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words like 'first', 'also', 'however', and 'therefore' in a natural way.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid extra or repeated words because they make some sentences hard to follow.
task response
You discuss both views and you give your own opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
task response
The soap example helps show how ads can be harmful.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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