IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think young people should be free to choose his or her job，but other people think they should be realistic and think more about their future. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Some individuals believe that youngsters should choose their own career,
while
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 others say that they need to be realistic
due to
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 the current
job
Use synonyms
 market and think more about their
future
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.In
this
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 essay i will discuss both positions and explain why
its
Use the right word
it's
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 required for kids to be able to choose their
job
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 freely. Many people say that teenagers should choose
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 jobs freely and alone without any pressure from adults.Because
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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its
Correct pronoun usage
it's
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 their
future
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 and
its
Correct pronoun usage
it's
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 their responsibility.Letting them explore the field and the
collage
Use the right word
college
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 majors is highly important.The high school graduate will mostly tend to choose a major that
their
Verb problem
they are
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 highly interested in
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 will increase the chances of their success.
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Also
Add a comma
Also,
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 they will love and appreciate their
job
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 and will do a greate work in their industry.
However
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,others believe that youngsters should be realistic and accurate when it comes to choosing their
future
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job
Use synonyms
.They claim that
not
Correct word choice
just
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 because you like a certain
job
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 or company
means
Rephrase
does not mean
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 that you should work in it.There are many
factor
Fix the agreement mistake
factors
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 when it comes to choosing a
job
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and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 the
impporant
Correct your spelling
important
 one is how much they pay you.Some company treat their employees as a machine with
minimun
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minimum
 payment and
high
Correct word choice
long
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 working
hour
Check wording
hours
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.Now
when
Punctuation problem
, when
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 applying for a
job
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 its very
immportant
Correct your spelling
important
 to choose wisely and not choose based on your instinct or liking.
In contrast
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,
i
Fix capitalization
I
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 think young people should choose their
future
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 career and not let others boss them around or
gudie
Correct your spelling
guide
 them to a
job
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.Because
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
its
Verb problem
it's
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 their lives and
their
Use the right word
they're
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 the ones who will commit to the
job
Use synonyms
, so
its
Correct pronoun usage
it's
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 better to choose a working environment
on
Change preposition
that suits
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 your liking and your preference.

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task response
Answer both sides more fully.
task response
Add one clear example for each side.
task response
Explain your opinion with one more reason.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear topic sentences for each body paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words like first, also, however, and in my view.
coherence and cohesion
Check that each sentence follows the one before it in a clear way.
task response
You discussed both views and gave your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
The main idea in each paragraph is usually clear.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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