IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Car ownership has increased so rapidly over the past thirty year that many cities in the world are now “one big traffic jam” How true do you think this statement is? What measures can governments take to discourage people from using their cars?

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Over the past thirty years, rapid growth in
car
Use synonyms
 ownership has contributed to severe traffic in many cities around the world. I agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement.
While
Linking Words
 technological advancements
improves
Correct subject-verb agreement
improve
show examples
 the lives of
people
Use synonyms
 by providing attractive
car
Use synonyms
 features,
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
 situation can be effectively
handle
Wrong verb form
handled
show examples
 by the
government
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 if they introduce new rules in the city. One of the main reasons
of
Change preposition
for the rise of
show examples
rising
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
 problem is the rapid increase in private
car
Use synonyms
 ownership. In recent years, technology
provides
Wrong verb form
has provided
show examples
 safety, comfort, and affordable prices of cars, which not only make
people
Use synonyms
's
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 easier, but
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
also
Linking Words
find
Verb problem
make
show examples
 it more convenient. Many
car
Use synonyms
 companies now
offers
Correct subject-verb agreement
offer
show examples
 new features to their customers,
such
Linking Words
 as GPS navigation,
advance
Replace the word
advanced
 safety measures,
automatic
Correct word choice
and automatic
show examples
 parking brakes. Users find these features
attaractive
Correct your spelling
attractive
, and
not
Verb problem
do not
show examples
 hesitate to buy their own vehicles rather than relying on public transportation.
As a result
Linking Words
, the number of private cars has grown significantly,
and it leads
Wrong verb form
leading
show examples
 to
increase
Correct article usage
an increase
show examples
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 problem of traffic jams in urban areas.
This
Linking Words
 issue can be resolved by official authorities by introducing new policies
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as congestion charges, high parking fees, and increased fuel prices
may
Correct pronoun usage
, which may
show examples
 discourage
people
Use synonyms
to use
Change preposition
from using
show examples
 their own vehicles, especially during peak hours. By enforcing these rules,
people
Use synonyms
 may be encouraged to shift towards public transportation,
car
Use synonyms
-pooling and other convenient options.
For example
Linking Words
,
odd-even
Correct article usage
the odd-even
show examples
 formula
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 used by the Delhi
government
Use synonyms
 to reduce the
Use synonyms
car numbers
Check wording
number of cars
show examples
 on roads, and
this
Linking Words
 formula was quite successful to manage a long queues of cars.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I think
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should implement these
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
show examples
 of plans to improve the jams on roads. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 rising
car
Use synonyms
 ownership has increased traffic congestion,
this
Linking Words
 issue can be controlled through strict
government
Use synonyms
 regulations and better public transport facilities.

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task response
Answer both parts more fully. You say the problem is true, and you give some government steps, but you can add one more clear idea for each part.
task response
Make your position very clear from start to end. Your main view is clear, but some lines are not exact.
task response
Use more exact support. The Delhi example is useful, but explain more how and why it worked.
coherence and cohesion
Put one main idea in each paragraph and link it step by step.
coherence and cohesion
Check linking words. Some are good, like 'as a result' and 'therefore', but do not use too many, and make sure each one fits the meaning.
coherence and cohesion
Fix some sentences that are hard to follow. Shorter sentences can help your ideas sound clearer.
task response
You answer both parts of the question.
task response
Your main opinion is clear: traffic is a big problem and government action can help.
coherence and cohesion
You use a clear essay shape with introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Some linking phrases help the reader follow your ideas.
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