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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The graph below shows the number of tourists visiting a particular Caribbean island between 2010 and 2017

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The line graph illustrates the number of visitor arrivals to a particular Caribbean
island
Use synonyms
 between 2010 and 2017.
Overall
Linking Words
,it can be seen that
visitors
Use synonyms
 staying on cruise ships remained relatively stable,
then
Linking Words
 rose gradually,
while
Linking Words
Visitors
Use synonyms
 staying on
Use synonyms
island
Correct article usage
the island
show examples
 showed an upward trend
,
Punctuation problem
;
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 the total
of
Check wording
number of
show examples
tourists
Use synonyms
 visiting a Caribbean
island
Use synonyms
 increased considerably. In 2010, the number of
tourists
Use synonyms
 staying on cruise ships started at 0.25
m
Use synonyms
Visitors
Use synonyms
, stayed constant and peaked at 0.5
Use synonyms
m
Check wording
million
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 by
end
Correct article usage
the end
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 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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2013.
initially
Linking Words
 2010
Visitors
Use synonyms
 staying on
Use synonyms
island
Correct article usage
the island
show examples
 showed an upward trend and recorded the highest figure at 1.5
m
Use synonyms
Visitors
Use synonyms
. At the beginning of the 2014
Tourists
Use synonyms
 staying on
Use synonyms
island
Correct article usage
the island
show examples
 remained unchanged after
experienced
Wrong verb form
experiencing
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 a little decline
Linking Words
Punctuation problem
; however
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however
Punctuation problem
however,
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then
Linking Words
 overtook 1.5
m
Use synonyms
tourists
Use synonyms
 by
2017
Punctuation problem
2017,
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whereas
Linking Words
Visitors
Use synonyms
 staying on cruise ships
imcreased
Correct your spelling
increased
 substantially in 2017, the figure finished at 2
m
Use synonyms
. From 2010 to
2017
Punctuation problem
2017,
show examples
 the total
of
Check wording
number of
show examples
Tourists
Use synonyms
 visiting
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a Caribbean
island
Use synonyms
 started at 1
Use synonyms
m
Check wording
million
show examples
 and rose sharply after
peaked
Wrong verb form
peaking
show examples
 at 3,5
m
Use synonyms
visitors
Use synonyms
.

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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Change the sixth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words island, visitors, tourists, m with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the sixth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • fluctuation
  • peak
  • trough
  • upward trend
  • downward trend
  • steady increase
  • sharp decline
  • seasonal variation
  • cruise ship visitors
  • island stay visitors
  • economic impact
  • environmental impact
  • tourism industry
  • sustainable tourism
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