IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?

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In many parts of the world, life expectancy is increasing, resulting in a growing proportion of elderly
people
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.
Although
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 an ageing
population
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 can bring certain benefits,
i
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I
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 believe its
disadvantage
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disadvantages
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 clearly outweigh its advantages because of the financial burden it places on
government
Correct article usage
the government
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 and the challenges it creates in the labour market. Admittedly, having more elderly
people
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 can benefit society to some extent. Older individuals usually possess valuable professional and life experience, which can be passed on to younger generations. Their advice and guidance may help young
people
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 make better decisions regarding their education, careers and personal lives.
As a result
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, younger
people
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 may avoid unnecessary mistakes and become more mature and responsible.
However
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, one major reason why an ageing
population
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 creates serious problems is that it contributes significantly to government expenditure. As the number of elderly citizens rises, there is greater demand for pensions, healthcare and social care services. Governments
therefore
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 have to allocate more public resources to supporting older
people
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, which places increasing financial pressure on public budgets and taxpayers. Another significant drawback is the shrinking labour force. As a large proportion of the
population
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 reaches retirement age, the number of working-age
people
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 gradually declines.
This
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 can lead to labour shortage in certain industries and make it more difficult for employers to recruit suitable staff. In the long term, slower economic growth and reduced tax revenues may
further
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 exacerbate the financial challenges caused by an ageing
population
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. In conclusion, despite the benefits associated with the wisdom and experience of older
people
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,
i
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I
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 believe the disadvantages of an ageing society clearly outweigh its advantages.

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task response
For task response, add one real or clear example to support your ideas. This will make your points stronger.
task response
For task response, explain a little more why the good side is smaller than the bad side. This will make your opinion more fully clear.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your ideas are in a clear order, but you can link some sentences more smoothly with simple words like also, so, and because.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, make each main paragraph start with one clear main idea, then add support after it.
task response
For task response, you answer the question clearly and give your opinion all the way through the essay.
task response
For task response, your main ideas are relevant and easy to understand.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, the essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, each paragraph has one main focus, so the essay is easy to follow.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • ageing population
  • benefits
  • disadvantages
  • advantages
  • experience
  • knowledge
  • contribution
  • economy
  • society
  • healthcare
  • youth employment
  • community
  • intergenerational support
  • volunteerism
  • mentorship
  • increased demand
  • pension costs
  • social welfare systems
  • workforce
  • productivity
  • intergenerational conflict
  • technological adaptability
  • dependency
  • effective
  • skill development
  • employment opportunities
  • intergenerational solidarity
  • communication
  • lifelong learning
  • technological literacy
  • age-friendly
  • social policies
  • infrastructure
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