IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Many of the medical problems that people are experiencing in today's world are due to the fact that wehave a very sedentary lifestyle. To what extent to you agree?

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Toady
Use the right word
Today
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 our society is experiencing medical
issues
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
 our sedentary
lifestyle
Use synonyms
. In
this
Linking Words
 essay,
i
Fix capitalization
I
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 will discuss why
i
Fix capitalization
I
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 agree that our
lifestyle
Use synonyms
 is the cause of many medical
problems
Use synonyms
. Health
issues
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 are directly related to our
lifestyle
Use synonyms
, what we eat and
if
Correct word choice
whether
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 we practice some physical activities. Today
health
Punctuation problem
, health
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 professionals have announced that the
numbers
Check wording
number
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 of medical
issues
Use synonyms
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 increasing among our society
from
Punctuation problem
, from
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 young people to older ones.
This
Linking Words
 major increase might be because of the sedentary
lifestyle
Use synonyms
 many individuals are following, no physical sports are being practiced nor eating healthy food
due to
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popularity
Correct article usage
the popularity
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 of junk food.
Also
Linking Words
,
nowadays
Punctuation problem
nowadays,
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 many members of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society with medical
problems
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 are advised to start exercising. Hospitals in Kuwait are now offering an 50 minute workout class
of
Change preposition
for
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 those with health
problems
Use synonyms
,
due to
Linking Words
 the sedentary
lifestyle
Use synonyms
 these patients were following. People are used to
spend
Wrong verb form
spending
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 their days
indoor
Replace the word
indoors
 with barely any physical
acitiviy
Correct your spelling
activity
,
Linking Words
this
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 leads to major
issues
Use synonyms
 over a period of time.doctors claim that heart diseases could be prevented by sports,
although
Linking Words
 half of the world suffers from it. In conclusion,
i
Fix capitalization
I
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 think that many of the medical
problems
Use synonyms
 people are experiencing today are because of
their
Change the pronoun
the
show examples
 sedentary
lifestyle
Use synonyms
 they follow.

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task response
Answer the question more fully. Say how far you agree, and also show why some health problems may have other causes.
task response
Develop each main idea more. Add one or two clear reasons and explain the result.
task response
Use examples more clearly. Your Kuwait example is useful, but explain how it proves your point.
coherence and cohesion
Make topic sentences clearer at the start of each body paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words like first, also, because, so, and however.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid very long sentences with many ideas. Split them into shorter sentences.
task response
You give a clear opinion from the start and keep it to the end.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
You use a real example about hospitals in Kuwait, which helps support your idea.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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