IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some believe that page should stay at home at all times, while others feel, they should be allowed outside the home. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Some people argue that
pet
Check wording
pets
show examples
 should be kept indoors all the time,
whereas
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 believe they should be
three
Use the right word
allowed
show examples
 to go outside.
Although
Linking Words
 allowing
pets
Use synonyms
 outside
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 can provide greater freedom and natural stimulation, I believe that
should
Correct pronoun usage
they should
show examples
 mainly stay at home and only go outdoors under supervision. On the one hand, many people think
pets
Use synonyms
 should remain inside the home at all times. One important reason is safety. Animals that roam freely outside may face danger
such
Linking Words
 as traffic accidents, attacks from other
animal
Fix the agreement mistake
animals
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, or being stolen.
For example
Linking Words
, cats and dogs that wander want to be
rose
Use the right word
lost
show examples
 are at serious risk of injury. Another main reason is health. Outdoor
pets
Use synonyms
 are more likely to catch
disease
Check wording
diseases
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, parasites, or consume harmful substances. Keeping them
indoor
Replace the word
indoors
 helps
owner
Correct article usage
the owner
show examples
 monitor their diet and physical condition more effectively.
Therefore
Linking Words
, staying at home can ensure a longer and
healthy
Correct word choice
healthier
show examples
 life for
pets
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some people believe
pet
Check wording
pets
show examples
 should be allowed outside because it improves their quality of life. Animals mutually enjoy exploring
news
Punctuation problem
,
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 exercising, and interacting with other animals.
For instance
Linking Words
, dogs often benefit from walks in parks where they can run freely and feel nature.
Similarly
Linking Words
, cats may enjoy climbing, hunting ,and experiencing fresh air. If
pets
Use synonyms
 are kept
indoor
Replace the word
indoors
 constantly, they may become bored, stressed ,or overweight
due to
Linking Words
 a lack of physical movement.
As a result
Linking Words
, outdoor
assess
Use the right word
access
show examples
 can support both physical and mental well-being. In my opinion,
pets
Use synonyms
 should not be given unlimited freedom outdoors, but
Linking Words
this
Fix the agreement mistake
they
show examples
 should be allowed outside in a controlled way. Dogs can be taken for regular walks on a leash,
why
Correct word choice
while
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 kids can spend time in
secure
Correct article usage
a secure
show examples
 garden or
enclosed
Correct article usage
an enclosed
show examples
 to species
this
Linking Words
 approach
combine
Correct subject-verb agreement
combines
show examples
 safety with exercise and stimulation. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 keeping
pets
Use synonyms
indoor
Replace the word
indoors
 to protect them from many
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
risks, outdoor
assist
Check wording
activity
show examples
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 can improve their happiness and health. I believe the best solution is to allow
pets
Use synonyms
 outside under
care full
Correct your spelling
careful
 supervision
greater
Correct word choice
, rather
show examples
 than letting them
room
Use the right word
roam
show examples
 freely.

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task response
Answer both sides in a more clear way. Your view is there, but some lines are hard to understand.
task response
Give one or two more clear examples to support your main ideas.
task response
Check that each idea is fully explained before you move to the next one.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a good basic shape: intro, two body parts, and end. Keep this plan.
coherence and cohesion
Some linking is good, but many word errors make the flow weak. Use short, clear linkers like on the one hand, on the other hand, for example, as a result.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each paragraph and make each sentence fit that idea.
task response
You discuss both views and give your own opinion.
task response
Your position is clear: pets should go out, but with control.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is split into clear parts, which helps the reader follow your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
You use basic linking words to show contrast and result.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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