IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that mobile phones and the internet have made people closer to each other. Others believe that these technologies have made people more lonely. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Nowadays, many
people
Use synonyms
 use the internet in their daily lives .
While
Linking Words
 some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that mobile phones and the internet have made
people
Use synonyms
 closer to each other. Others believe that these technologies have made
people
Use synonyms
more lonely
Replace the word
lonelier
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both views and give my own opinion . On the one
hand
Add a comma
hand,
show examples
 some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that mobile phones and the internet help
people
Use synonyms
 stay closer.
For example
Linking Words
, families who live in different countries
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can easily
communucate
Correct your spelling
communicate
 with
and
Correct pronoun usage
each other, and
show examples
 they find new friends
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 social platforms
it
Punctuation problem
. It
show examples
 is beneficial for
teeneger
Correct your spelling
teenage
people
Use synonyms

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task response
Write a full answer to both sides, then give your own view in a clear way.
task response
Add a real ending. Your essay stops too early and does not finish the task.
task response
Use one main idea in each part, then explain it with one clear example.
coherence and cohesion
Make sentences shorter. Some parts join too many ideas and are hard to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear link words like on the one hand, on the other hand, for example, and in conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Check word order and missing words, because they make the meaning less clear.
task response
You have a clear start and you show the topic from the first line.
task response
You try to discuss one side with an example about families in different countries.
coherence and cohesion
You use basic link words such as while, on the one hand, and for example.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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