IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The internet is an amazing invention which has changed society and how people live. Give the advantages and disadvantages of the internet.

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Try for free →
Society has undergone a great deal of change, and a huge part
is
Correct pronoun usage
of it is
show examples
 technology. The
internet
Use synonyms
 has
revolutionized
Change the spelling
revolutionised
show examples
 how
people
Use synonyms
 live and how the world operates.
This
Linking Words
 essay will examine the advantages and disadvantages of the
internet
Use synonyms
. On the one hand, the
internet
Use synonyms
 has created numerous amazing advantages.
First,
Linking Words
Use synonyms
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 has changed the way
people
Use synonyms
 communicate.
For
Linking Words
example
Use synonyms
,
Use synonyms
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 made texting and calling more accessible.
People
Use synonyms
 can use social media apps
such
Linking Words
 as Instagram,
Whatsapp
Fix capitalization
WhatsApp
show examples
, or Snapchat to communicate.
Second,
Linking Words
teenagers nowadays can have fun without the need
of going
Wrong verb form
to go
show examples
 out.
For
Linking Words
example
Use synonyms
, teens can play video games from the comfort of their home. There are many video games out there,
such
Linking Words
 as Fortnite or Roblox
that
Punctuation problem
, that
show examples
 would give them the same amount of fun without the need
of leaving
Change preposition
to leave
show examples
 your room.
Finally
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 made education more accessible.
For
Linking Words
example
Use synonyms
, AI
made
Verb problem
has made
show examples
 studying way easier than ever. It
also
Linking Words
 helps to
breakdown
Replace the word
break down
 content for students
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 have a hard
time
Use synonyms
 learning.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the
internet
Use synonyms
 has
also
Linking Words
 created a substantial
amount
Check wording
number
show examples
 of disadvantages.
First,
Linking Words
using
Use synonyms
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 makes the
time
Use synonyms
 go by without
people
Use synonyms
 noticing. Apps
such
Linking Words
 as TikTok and Instagram were specifically built to make
users
Use synonyms
to
Wrong verb form
apply
show examples
spend more
time
Use synonyms
 on the app.
This
Linking Words
also
Linking Words
 leads to
users
Use synonyms
 being sleep deprived and
forget
Wrong verb form
forgetting
show examples
 about
time
Use synonyms
.
Second,
Linking Words
Use synonyms
Internet
Correct article usage
the Internet
show examples
 causes long-term health problems. One
example
Use synonyms
 is
,
Correct word choice
that
show examples
users
Use synonyms
 complain about back problems when scrolling on their phone for too long.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
users
Use synonyms
 who
uses
Correct subject-verb agreement
use
show examples
 their phones daily for too long complain
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 eye strain.
Last
Linking Words
 but not least,
Cyber bullying
Correct your spelling
cyberbullying
.
Use synonyms
Internet
Correct article usage
The Internet
show examples
made
Verb problem
has made
show examples
 bullying easier than ever.
Cyber bullying
Correct your spelling
Cyberbullying
 is a significant disadvantage
thats
Correct your spelling
that's
 widespread across the
internet
Use synonyms
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 it
caused
Verb problem
has caused
show examples
 damage to many
teenagers life
Check wording
teenagers' lives
show examples
, and some sadly took their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 displays how a tiny problem can turn into a major one. In conclusion, it is abundantly clear to see that the
internet
Use synonyms
 has provided massive advantages and has made life much more convenient.
However
Linking Words
, it must be said that it has
also
Linking Words
 presented problems that contribute to a lifestyle with many disadvantages.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
For task response, you answer both sides, so this is good. But some ideas are a bit too simple. Try to explain more how each point affects people and society.
task response
For task response, use examples that feel more general and real. Game names and app names are okay, but broader examples can sound stronger in IELTS.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your essay has a clear start, body, and end. This is good. But some sentences do not link very smoothly. Use words like because, as a result, and however with care.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, keep the same subject in one point. In one place you move from teenagers to your room. Try to stay with one subject all the way.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, some points need clearer support. Add one more short line after each example to show why it matters.
task response
You answer the full question and discuss both advantages and disadvantages.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and a clear conclusion.
task response
You use easy examples to support your main ideas, which helps the reader follow your points.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: