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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table shows the worldwide market share of the mobile phone market for manufactures in the years 2005 and 2006. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

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The table shows the worldwide market share of the mobile phone market for manufactures in the years 2005 and 2006. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The given table illustrates the
market
Use synonyms
share
Use synonyms
 of 6 companies that
manufactures
Correct subject-verb agreement
manufacture
show examples
 mobile
phone
Check wording
phones
show examples
 from the period of 2005 to 2006. Units are measured in
percentage
Check wording
percentages
show examples
.
Overall
Linking Words
,
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the first
Use synonyms
year
Add a comma
year,
show examples
 Nokia recorded the highest
market
Use synonyms
share
Use synonyms
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 the percentage increased during the
second
Use synonyms
year
Use synonyms
Rephrase
apply
show examples
also
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 BenQ had the lowest proportion in both years.   In terms of the highest
market
Use synonyms
share
Use synonyms
, Nokia reached 32.5% in 2005 and gradually increased to 35% in 2006
making
Punctuation problem
, making
show examples
 it the leading manufacturer.Motorola
was
Verb problem
had
show examples
 the
second
Use synonyms
 highest proportion of 17.7% and
also
Linking Words
 increased dramatically during the
second
Use synonyms
year
Use synonyms
reaching
Punctuation problem
, reaching
show examples
 21.1%, as opposed to Samsung,
who
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 started at 12.7% but decreased to 11.8 the next
year
Use synonyms
.
Linking Words
However
Punctuation problem
However,
show examples
 other unmentioned companies had 19.2% of the
market
Use synonyms
share
Use synonyms
 and hit a low of 16.2% in 2006.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, Sony had 6.3% of
market
Use synonyms
share
Use synonyms
 and in the
second
Use synonyms
year
Use synonyms
 reached a high of 7.4%.
In contrast
Linking Words
,L.G and BenQ experienced the lowest percentage in 2006
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 stood at
(
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
6.3% and 2.4% respectively )

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 70%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words market, share, year, second with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Market share
  • Manufacturers
  • Annual comparison
  • Dominate
  • Fluctuate
  • Decline/Dip
  • Increase/Surge/Growth
  • Rank/Ranking
  • Competitive landscape
  • Significant
  • Percentage points
  • Emerging players
  • Market exit
  • Overall trend
  • Comparison
  • Dynamics
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