IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some believe that tackling environmental issues should be managed by a global organization instead of being handled individually by national governments. Do you agree or disagree with this belief?

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It is widely acknowledged that environmental
issues
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 have become a major concern not only for the public but
also
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 for
governments
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.
While
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 some people believe that international
organisations
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 ought to conduct projects to combat environmental
problems
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instead
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 of
governments
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, I strongly agree that national
organisations
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 are fundamental pillars of addressing environmental
issues
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.
This
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 is because they have broad knowledge of implementing sustainable practices at a global level, and they are funded by contributions from member states across the world.
This
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 essay will elaborate on my position with relevant examples and arguments. The foremost reason to support my view is that know-how plays a crucial role in providing more sustainable and efficient
solutions
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 for environmental
problems
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. Having skilled people and well-documented experience, international
organisations
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 can identify the root causes of environmental
problems
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 and generate effective
solutions
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.
In contrast
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, if national
governments
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 were to address these
issues
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 independently, each would need to find and assemble
such
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 expertise on its own, which is neither practical nor efficient.
For instance
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, UNEP has an enormous number of well-educated scientists within the organisation itself, enabling it to devise comprehensive strategies that no single government could replicate.
Therefore
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, consolidating
this
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 talent within a global organisation is a far more viable approach.
Furthermore
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, another reason to justify my stance is that capital investments have a great impact on highly demanding environmental
issues
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 at a global level. Since
governments
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 cannot compasate the burden of environmental economic results well, the
organisations
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 receive financial support from a diverse range of nations, ensuring a substantial and stable funding base.
As a result
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,
solutions
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 can embrace all nations'
problems
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.
For example
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, African countries lack
of
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apply
show examples
economic resources to tackle environmental
problems
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 independently , and international
organisations
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 help them find effective
solutions
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.Having a more stable budget, international
organisations
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 can address environmental
problems
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 at a global level. In conclusion,
while
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 many people believe that
governments
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 should tackle environmental
problems
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 independently, I firmly believe that international
organization
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organisations
show examples
 can provide more effective
solutions
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 and they are able to address these challenges with substantial funding.

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task response
Your main view is clear, but your first line says you agree with one side and then your next line supports the other side. Keep one view all through the essay.
task response
Answer the question more directly in each body part. Link each main idea back to why a world group should lead, not just mention general good points.
task response
Your examples are helpful, but they need a bit more detail. Explain how each example proves your point.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, middle, and end, which is good. Keep this plan.
coherence and cohesion
Some links are clear, like 'Furthermore' and 'For instance', but a few ideas feel hard to follow because of unclear wording. Make each sentence short and direct.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each body paragraph has one main idea only. This will make your writing easier to follow.
task response
You clearly give your opinion in the introduction and restate it in the conclusion.
task response
You use examples like UNEP and African countries, so your ideas are not too general.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is well organized into introduction, two body paragraphs, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use basic linking words well in many places.
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