IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Many cities have installed cameras in public places in order to reduce crime. However, some people think that those cameras restrict our privacy. Do you think the advantages of this system outweigh the disadvantages?

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As a matter of fact, there are a significant
number
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 of monitoring systems in public areas which were installed in cities. It is held that the camera systems were placed there only for safety reasons, in order to reduce the quantity of
crimes
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.
Nonetheless
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, there is a diametrically opposite opinion that
such
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 actions interfere with our privacy.
This
Linking Words
 essay agrees that
such
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 a system is necessary to prevent
crimes
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,
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apply
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 since the more
cameras
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 are in the city, the
less
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fewer
show examples
 criminals and outlaws are likely to commit
crimes
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 and it makes crime investigation easier. It is undisputed that the more
cameras
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 are in the city, the less
chances
Fix the agreement mistake
chance
show examples
 that offences will be committed. Since criminals can be easily detected and
then
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 spotted
due to
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 the
cameras
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, they usually do not commit any
crimes
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 in public. The recent surveillance made by
the
Correct article usage
apply
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Scotland Yard in 2022 indicates that with the skyrocketed
number
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 of
cameras
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 in London, the amount of
crimes
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 drastically went down from 121.000 in 2012 to 76.000 by 2022. Unfortunately, sometimes, even the best monitoring systems cannot prevent some sort of
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crimes
Fix the agreement mistake
crime
show examples
. In
such
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 unprecedented accidents, police take action. And, taking into consideration the fact that modern
cameras
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 are able to identify outlaws, the work that has to be done by police officers is drastically simplified. The recent survey provided by the Belarusian militia revealed that in 1990, when
cameras
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 were not so widely spread, the
number
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 of successful investigations was only 68%, and by 2021 it reached almost 82%. To infer, with the increased
number
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 of
cameras
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 in public places, the quantity of
crimes
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 has plunged
as well as
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 the
number
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 of investigations that were
unraveled
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unravelled
show examples
 proportionally uplifted.
Cameras
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 do facilitate the investigation process, making it easier
as well as
Linking Words
 making outlaws commit
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
crimes
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.

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Task Response
Ensure a clear stance throughout your essay, reinforcing your position in both introduction and conclusion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Develop your paragraphs well, with each containing one main idea supported by examples or explanations.
Coherence and Cohesion
Incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases to demonstrate more sophisticated coherence.
Task Response
While discussing both sides, maintain a balance by exploring the disadvantages to a greater extent to provide a more rounded argument.
Task Achievement
Provided clear, specific examples and statistics to support arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
Structured essay effectively with a logical flow of ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • surveillance
  • deterrence
  • apprehension
  • infringement
  • omnipresence
  • law enforcement
  • evidence gathering
  • privacy concerns
  • surveillance state
  • unwarranted surveillance
  • psychological impact
  • paranoia
  • crime investigation
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