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Writing Samples
Band 7

‘The best way to educate children is by using the Internet in every lesson.’ To what extent do you share this opinion? What other ways are there of making lessons effective for children?

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Nowadays, a large number of people spend a significant amount of time on cyberspace for work,
education
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 and entertainment. A highly controversial issue is discussed , that the
education
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 sector should provide every lesson on the
internet
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instead
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 of traditional
education
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,
while
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 there are more effective ways to teach children. In the following paragraphs, I will discuss both perspectives and present my opinion.
To begin
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 with, the
internet
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 revolutionised
education
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 over the
last
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 few years. It provides access to enormous information, but it should not be used for every lesson. The
internet
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 and online
education
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 system have made life easy for those who have fewer resources to travel to different countries for studies.
On the other hand
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, only relying on the
internet
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 is not ideal for learning. A significant amount of time in virtual learning leads to various health issues, like vision problems, lack of concentration and reduced social interaction.
Moreover
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, there are various methods of learning, which increase the learning strategy and learners' interest. Educational methods should be a blend of traditional and modern techniques. The school could arrange activities among educators like group discussions , practical activities,outdoor learning and educational games.
For example
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, online learning can not fully replace science practicals, where children gain a better understanding through hands-on experience.
Consequently
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, critical thinking and problem-solving skills can be better developed through group discussions.
To conclude
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, the importance of modern technology is undeniable, but complete reliance on the
internet
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 may cause many problems. A balance system is best. A blend of traditional
education
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 and digital learning would be a more effective strategy.

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task response
Answer both parts more fully. Say more clearly how much you agree.
task response
Add one more clear example to support your ideas.
task response
Make each main idea more fully explained before you move on.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words more carefully. A few are not natural.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one clear topic in each body paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Check small spacing and comma problems, because they can slow reading.
task response
You answered both parts of the question.
task response
Your opinion is clear in the end and mostly clear in the essay.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear beginning, middle, and end.
coherence and cohesion
You use paragraphs well.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • abundant source,
  • multimedia resources
  • reliance
  • misleading information
  • tactile learning
  • hands-on activities
  • critical thinking
  • problem-solving skills
  • interactive group activities
  • physical activity
  • outdoor learning experiences
  • child development
  • educational technology
  • interactive whiteboards
  • educational apps
  • virtual reality
  • digital literacy
  • credible sources
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