In some countries, more and more adults are continuing to live with their parents even after they have completed their education and found jobs. Do the advantages of this outweigh its disadvantages?

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Nowadays, lots of people in their generation have been staying with their
parents
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even after they have finished school and found jobs, which leads to an environmental and social impact on their way of living. I firmly believe that the benefits outweigh the drawbacks. One of the main advantages of those who live with their
families
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after they have completed their education is that they will have a comfortable and easy life. To illustrate, they spend the whole time with
parents
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, so they will support them and teach them life skills.
For example
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, if they are in a troubled situation, they would face problems with their children and find solutions.
Also
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,
families
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can gain their younger generation's confidence and respect.
As a result
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, children know how to communicate with their peers at school.
Moreover
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, they will know how to make a good relationship with friends that leads to a strong social life. When we compared the environmental influence,
parents
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prepare a
cozy
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cosy
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living with a feeling of love and tenderness, and they provide them with food and a nice home.
For instance
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, when they comeback form their work, they find their favourite dishes with a lovely smell.
In addition
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, they feel free
while
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talking and enjoying conversation.
Finally
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, they can
also
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support their
families
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with financial support and sympathy to appreciate their
parents
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' efforts.
On the other hand
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, there are some disadvantages.
Firstly
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, it depends on the quality of the
parents
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' lives because some are unable to adapt to their living situation.
Secondly
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, they might not own a home or their house is very small, so it is not enough for them, which leads to many conflicts with their children and will eliminate the strengthening bond of the relationship. In conclusion, the advantages of living close to their
families
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even after completing their studies and getting a career outweigh the drawbacks. Since it has both environmental and social impacts on their kids.

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task response
Answer the main question more directly. Say clearly why the good points are stronger than the bad points in each body part.
task response
Use ideas that fit the topic closely. Some parts talk about children at school, but the topic is about working adults living with parents.
task response
Give examples that are more real and more exact. This will make your ideas stronger and easier to trust.
coherence and cohesion
Put one main idea in each paragraph and keep all support under that idea.
coherence and cohesion
Use link words in a clear way, but do not overuse them. Words like 'first', 'also', 'however', and 'as a result' should match the meaning.
coherence and cohesion
Check pronouns like 'they' and 'them'. Sometimes it is not clear if you mean adults, parents, or children.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear introduction and a clear conclusion.
task response
You try to discuss both good and bad sides, which helps you answer the task.
coherence and cohesion
You use paragraphs, and this helps the reader follow your essay.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
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