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Writing Samples
Band 5

Many students finish high school and wish to continue their studies abroad. While others think studying locally is better. Give the advantages of going abroad and staying home.

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Many learners dream of finishing their studies in
universities
Use synonyms
 abroad. Those individuals are after holding degrees from famous
universities
Use synonyms
Linking Words
along
Punctuation problem
, along
show examples
 with other beneficial goals.
While
Linking Words
 others think that staying home should not be avoided as an
option
Punctuation problem
option,
show examples
 since it has advantages too.
This
Linking Words
 essay will review the advantages of both
studying
Replace the word
study
 plans. The main advantage of studying abroad is
education
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 quality
.
Change preposition
of education.
show examples
Join
Wrong verb form
Joining
show examples
 a famous university,
Oxford
Change preposition
such as Oxford
show examples
 in
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
Linking Words
for
Punctuation problem
, for
show examples
 example, will never
being
Wrong verb form
be
show examples
 compared with any other English school in the world.
Thus
Linking Words
, holding an English degree from
such
Linking Words
well-known
Correct article usage
a well-known
show examples
 university will always have priority in finding a job. Personality improvement is another aspect,
such
Linking Words
 as
independency
Replace the word
independence
. Usually, a student who travels alone for study
purpose
Check wording
purposes
show examples
 depends on himself in essential living activities,
for instance
Linking Words
, cooking, washing clothes,
as well as
Linking Words
 finding a part-time job in order to enhance his financial situation.
However
Linking Words
, the local studying advantages shouldn’t be ignored. Students who are staying at home with their families are not under daily stress. They aren’t worried about their daily needs,
such
Linking Words
 as
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 ready clothes to wear or transportation fees
since
Punctuation problem
, since
show examples
 all these are taken care of by the parents. On top of that, usually
universities
Use synonyms
 in any country are aware of what the market needs domestically
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
therefore
Linking Words
, students can easily find a job that suits their degree.
Last
Linking Words
 but not least,
although
Linking Words
 some local
universities
Use synonyms
 have small fees to pay, most of them are free to join.
Therefore
Linking Words
, studying at home has less financial pressure on families.
To conclude
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 issue, where to continue studying is not a black or white decision. It’s mostly which plan
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
fits families’ financial conditions
Linking Words
along
Punctuation problem
, along
show examples
 with the
student
Check wording
student's
show examples
 ability and goals.

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task response
Answer both sides in a more even way. You do this well, but you can add one more clear point for each side.
task response
Make your main ideas more clear with simpler and more exact sentences.
task response
Give examples with full explanation, not only names like Oxford.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a smoother way so each idea moves more naturally to the next one.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each part and explain it fully before you move on.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence order and grammar because some lines are hard to follow.
task response
You answer both parts of the question: going abroad and staying home.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, body, and end.
task response
You use relevant ideas like job chances, family support, and cost.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion gives a balanced view.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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