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Writing Samples
Band 6

The government's investment in arts, music and theatre is a waste of money. Governments should invest these funds in public services instead. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the statement?

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Many
people
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 believe that the
government
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 spends lots of
money
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 on arts,
music
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 and theatre , which is totally a waste of
money
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,
whereas
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 the
government
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 should start spending
money
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 on public
services
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. I totally agree with
this
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 notion , and my position is argued
further
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 with an explanation. On the one hand, arts,
music
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 and theatre are not a common interest of everyone. To illustrate, the public pays taxes to the
government
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 to build galleries to save
art
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 and
music
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 , and the
government
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 invest
money
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 in theatres, where
people
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 can come with their family members to see movies or play.
However
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, these things are only some
people
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 like to do, but public
services
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 ,
such
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 as libraries, transportation and road repair, are their first priority.
For instance
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, as per recent data by The Indian Department of Media, only 20% of
people
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 like their development in
art
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music
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 ,
whereas
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 others 80% of
people
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 want the development in public
services
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.
Thus
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, the
government
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 has to start investing in public
services
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.
On the other hand
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,
art
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,
music
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 and theatre are
also
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 important for the public because it shows our tradition , and families can spend some beautiful time with each other in theatres. To clarify, the
government
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 invest
money
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 in these things to keep them alive for more years for
people
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.
Therefore
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, the
government
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 need to spend
money
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 on
art
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 and
music
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. In conclusion, it is vital that the
government
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 invests
money
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 in public
services
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 to make
people
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's lives easier,
whereas
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 the
government
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 should not stop spending
money
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 on
art
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,
music
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 and galleries , but they can spend a small amount on it to keep it alive

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task response
Make your main view more clear from start to end. You say you totally agree, but in the end you say the government should still spend some money on art. This makes your view less clear.
task response
Add one or two more clear ideas about why public services should get more money. Then explain each idea more.
task response
Use examples that feel more real and more clear. Your example with 20% and 80% helps, but it needs better wording and support.
coherence and cohesion
Put your ideas in a more simple order. Start each body paragraph with one main point, then explain it, then give an example.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a careful way. Some are good, like on the one hand and in conclusion, but some sentences still feel hard to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence connection inside each paragraph. Some ideas stop too fast, so the reader has to guess your meaning.
task response
You answer the topic and give your opinion.
task response
You include both sides of the issue, which shows you can discuss the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use some linking words to move from one idea to the next.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural heritage
  • public services
  • economic benefits
  • mental health
  • well-being
  • equitable access
  • creativity
  • innovation
  • prioritize
  • essential services
  • healthcare
  • education
  • tourism
  • global recognition
  • holistic development
  • mutually exclusive
  • philanthropy
  • subsidize
  • infrastructure
  • socio-economic status
  • altruistic
  • civic engagement
  • aesthetics
  • civic pride
  • utilitarian
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