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Writing Samples
Band 7

The bar chart shows the percentage of adult male smokers in seven countries along with the world average in 2000 and 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

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The chart shows the percentage of
smokers
Use synonyms
 in some
countries
Use synonyms
 for two years : 2000 and 2015. By observing the
bars
Punctuation problem
bars,
show examples
 it is apparent that there is no single trend between these
countries
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
 some nations
Use synonyms
smokers decreased
Correct word order
saw a decrease in smokers
show examples
 over the 15 years, other
countries
Use synonyms
 saw an increase in
smokers
Use synonyms
. The largest percentage of any country on the list was Armenia, with
having an
Verb problem
apply
show examples
almost 70% of
smokers
Use synonyms
 in 2000, but decreasing to around 50% in 2015.
Linking Words
Overall
Punctuation problem
Overall,
show examples
 we can see the smoking population decreasing in the world from 40% ro around 35%, but there are exceptions that are clearly visible on the chart. One of them is Egypt, whose smoking population increased from around 35% to 50%. Even though most of the
countries
Use synonyms
 on the list have had either an increase or a decrease in
smokers
Use synonyms
, there is one outlier - Cuba,
who
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 had virtually no change over the 15 year period with its
smokers
Use synonyms
 staying stable at around 50%.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words smokers, countries with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 4 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • bar chart, percentage, adult male smokers
  • world average, increased, decreased
  • tobacco consumption, lung cancer
  • public health, awareness campaigns
  • government policy, smoking bans
  • health risks, nicotine, tobacco industry
  • chart analysis, data comparison
  • statistical trend, significant fluctuation
  • stagnation, steady rise, moderate fall
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