IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

in today's world many people own a smartphone. do you think athe advantages of owning a smartphone outweigh the disadvantages?

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Nowadays
Punctuation problem
Nowadays,
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 many individuals own a smartphone.
I
Change preposition
In
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 my opinion, I think that owning
such
Linking Words
 devices is essential in our
modern day
Correct your spelling
modern-day
 society. In
this
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 essay,
i
Fix capitalization
I
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 will discuss both advantages and disadvantages of owning a smart device. Today,
In
Fix capitalization
in
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 our
morden
Correct your spelling
modern
world
Punctuation problem
world,
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 it's important to own a smartphone.
Such
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 devices
offers
Correct subject-verb agreement
offer
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 many services to be done remotely without having to go through the hassle.
Nowadays
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Nowadays,
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 government official work and papers can be requested virtually through your phone
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 there's no need to pay a visit to the government office to complete your
paper work
Correct your spelling
paperwork
.
Also
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booking
Punctuation problem
, booking
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 a flight is easily done through
an
Correct article usage
a
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 booking website, which makes the process much easier compared to what it used to
in
Verb problem
be in
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 the past.
As a result
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, because of these
device's
Fix the agreement mistake
devices
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everything
Punctuation problem
, everything
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 can be done online
even
Punctuation problem
, even
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universitie's
Correct your spelling
universities
 are offering online
program's
Correct your spelling
programs
. On top of that, connecting with your family and friends from all over the world could be done through
a
Correct article usage
apply
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FaceTime
that doesn't take more than
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, which doesn't take more than a few
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 minutes to
be completed
Wrong verb form
complete
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.
However
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, others argue that smartphones are stealing people's lives without them knowing. They claim that since these devices were introduced to our society
social
Punctuation problem
, social
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 interaction among individuals
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 simply vanished. Today they message each other virtually
instead
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 of having a
face to face
Correct your spelling
face-to-face
 conversation.
also
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 they prefer to have their coffee delivered to them
instead
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 of going to their local shop and ordering their coffee, which shows how lazy our society
had
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has
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 become .
In addition
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, people are lacking basic manners that
allows
Correct subject-verb agreement
allow
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 them to communicate with each other.
In contrast
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,
i
Fix capitalization
I
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 think that
smartphones
Check wording
smartphones'
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 advantages outweigh
it's
Fix the agreement mistake
their
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 disadvantages. Our
modernized
Change the spelling
modernised
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 phones made our lives easier, since the launch of these mobiles everthing transformed
to
Change preposition
for
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 the better. Online education is now available
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 is very beneficial for working parents
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 have responsibilities.
In addition
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,
health
Correct article usage
the health
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 care booking system is
also
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 online, which means that now all you have to do to see a doctor is to place an appointment online
instead
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 of going to the clinic and having them
to
Wrong verb form
apply
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book you
a
Correct article usage
an
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 appointment. In conclusion, smart-mobiles is a blessing to our world. It has helped us humans by providing many
virtually
Correct word choice
virtual
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 services that are effective and
time consuming
Correct your spelling
time-saving
.

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task response
Make your main view clear at the start and keep the same view all through the essay.
task response
Add one more clear example for each main point to make your ideas stronger.
task response
Explain why the bad points are weaker than the good points in a more direct way.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear topic lines at the start of each body part.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words like first, also, however, and as a result.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each part and do not mix too many points together.
task response
You answer both sides of the question and give your own view.
task response
You use real life examples like travel, school, health care, and government work.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, body, and end.
coherence and cohesion
You use some linking words like also, however, and in conclusion.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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