IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that rich nations should provide financial aid to improve education in poorer countries. Others think that this money should be spent on domestic educational issues

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More and more
people
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 think that
high income
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high-income
countries
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 must support other poor
nations
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 to improve
education
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.
However
Linking Words
, others argue that governments should spend money to
save
Verb problem
address
show examples
 local issues. In my opinion, I believe that both views are equally important
but
Punctuation problem
, but
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 global
education
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 is more important to improve the
overall
Linking Words
world
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. On the one hand, it is believed by some
people
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 that worldwide
education
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 is essential in order to have a great nation. In fact, a
full
Rephrase
fully
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 educated
world
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 leads to significant results and provides learning for everyone to get equal opportunities.
Although
Linking Words
 many
countries
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 cannot afford
, you
Correct pronoun usage
it, you
show examples
 can observe the huge difference
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 educated
nations
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.
In addition
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, we can develop in many fields around the
world
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 with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
education
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 and accessible learning.
Therefore
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, cooperation between
countries
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 to enhance
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
global
education
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 leads to
overall
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 and equal chances.
On the other hand
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, other
people
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 argue that governments should only focus on the local schools issue.
In other words
Linking Words
, they claim many modern
countries
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provides
Correct subject-verb agreement
provide
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education
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but
Punctuation problem
, but
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 they lack
of
Change preposition
the
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 main technology and equipment to facilitate the teaching methods.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, fixing local problems leads to a sharp increase
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 innovation for
such
Linking Words
nations
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 and helps to reach positive outcomes.
For example
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,
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
introducing the latest technology in Singapore helps the country to be
the
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
the top in
education
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according to
Linking Words
 the latest statistics.
As a result
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,
make
Wrong verb form
making
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 the local schools
issue
Correct article usage
an issue
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 priority helps to develop the
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nations
Check wording
nation
show examples
 in improving
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
learning. In conclusion, it is believed by some
people
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 that global
education
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 is
vital
Correct article usage
a vital
show examples
 investment to
overall
Linking Words
world
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,
while
Linking Words
 others disagree and say that local
education
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 issues
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 essential to develop. In my opinion,
I
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
sharing to improve the
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world
Check wording
world's
show examples
education
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 is important
especially
Punctuation problem
, especially
show examples
 for poor
nations
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.

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task response
Answer both sides more fully. You give your view, but each side needs more detail.
task response
Use clearer main ideas in each body paragraph. One main point, then explain it.
task response
Add one more clear example for the rich countries side or the home country side.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas in a simpler way. Some sentences jump too fast from one point to the next.
coherence and cohesion
Check paragraph unity. Keep each paragraph on one clear topic.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words well, like first, also, however, for example, and as a result.
task response
You answer both views and give your own opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and a clear conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use paragraphs, and this helps the reader follow your ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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