IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

Nowadays many young people leave home at an early age to either study or work in another city. Do you think this has more advantages or disadvantages for young people?

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
Todays the
many
Punctuation problem
, many
show examples
 young
people
Use synonyms
 leaved ther home during
adlocent age
Replace the word
adolescence
 to
study
Use synonyms
 in
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
 school or help
ther familys
Correct your spelling
their families
 by working to improving ther
life
Use synonyms
 and depending to him self .
Body paragraph 1
The positive thing
for
Change preposition
about
show examples
 moving to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
another city for
study
Use synonyms
 or
emplyoment
Correct your spelling
employment
 can give young
people
Use synonyms
 chances to improved live skill and communicat with out family
community
Correct word choice
and community
show examples
.
Body paragraph 2
The take a good chances for
study
Use synonyms
 in
big
Correct article usage
a big
show examples
 city,like
international
Correct article usage
an international
show examples
 school very significent in early age ,
this
Linking Words
 moving depined to personailty of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
young
people
Use synonyms
 and
supporting
Replace the word
the support
 of
family
Correct article usage
the family
show examples
 to
acheaved
Correct your spelling
achieve
 the
gole
Correct your spelling
goal
 of go out side the home
Body paragraph 3
On
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 hand ,
thay
Correct your spelling
they
 had
negitive reasone
Correct your spelling
negative reasons
 for leaving alone
with out
Correct your spelling
without
 family or
parents
Punctuation problem
parents,
show examples
some time
Correct your spelling
sometimes
 feeling poor ,
same
Change preposition
at the same
show examples
 time coming sick
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
no body
Correct your spelling
nobody
 can take care
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 you
so
Punctuation problem
, so
show examples
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 you need to be storung
people
Use synonyms
 and push
your self
Correct your spelling
yourself
 to
life
Use synonyms
Body paragraph 4
Linking Words
overall
Fix capitalization
Overall
show examples
, I
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
 anyone should
tray
Use the right word
try
show examples
 to
leave
Verb problem
live
show examples
 alone
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 early
life
Use synonyms
becused thay
Correct your spelling
because they
 will know
them self
Correct your spelling
themselves
 better than
adult
Change preposition
in their adult
show examples
age
Fix the agreement mistake
years
show examples
Conclusion
In
conculison
Correct your spelling
conclusion
, the young
people
Use synonyms
 have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
more chances in early
Use synonyms
life
Punctuation problem
life,
show examples
 we should incareage to bush them to take good jobs in different
pelce
Correct your spelling
places
 and go to other cities
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
study
Use synonyms
 and take high
score
Check wording
scores
show examples
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Answer the main question more clearly. Say from the start if there are more good points or more bad points.
task response
Add one clear main idea in each body part, then explain it with a simple example.
task response
Use more direct examples, such as school cost, travel, work skill, or health problems.
coherence and cohesion
Put ideas in a clearer order: introduction, good points, bad points, opinion, conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words well, like first, also, however, for example, and in conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Make each paragraph stay on one main point. Do not mix many ideas in one sentence.
task response
You answer the topic and talk about both good and bad sides.
task response
Your opinion is given near the end and in the conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has paragraphs, and it has both an introduction and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Some linking words are used, like on the other hand and overall.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • independent
  • responsible
  • confidence
  • life skills
  • better chance
  • career growth
  • higher education
  • new experience
  • support system
  • lonely
  • homesick
  • living cost
  • rent
  • pressure
  • manage money
  • balance work and study
  • mature
  • clear goal
  • personal growth
  • future success
What to do next:
Look at other essays: