IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

"Some People Think Reading Stories in Book is Better Than Watvhingg TV or Playing Computer Games. To What Extent Do You Agree or Disagree?"

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I personally disagree with
this
Linking Words
 idea. We are currently living in a world filled with gadgets and
electronics
Correct word choice
electronic
show examples
 devices. people
gaim
Correct your spelling
gain
 more access to these devices.
Watchingg
Correct your spelling
Watching TV
Tv
Use synonyms
 or playing video
games
Use synonyms
 have been a hobby
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 people. A
TV
Use synonyms
 show doesn't only act as a source of entertainment but
a
Correct word choice
also a
show examples
source of knowledge
as well
Rephrase
apply
show examples
.
Variety
Correct article usage
A variety
show examples
 of people learn something through
TV
Use synonyms
. Some of an examples are documentary, news, educational show,
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
etc.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
TV
Use synonyms
 provide a trustworthy source of information and frequent updates. Playing computer
games
Use synonyms
 has been
on
Use the right word
one
show examples
 of my hobbies. I spent most of my time playing video
games
Use synonyms
 with my friends. Online
game
Check wording
games
show examples
 not only entertain me, but
helps
Correct subject-verb agreement
also help
show examples
 improve my
socializing
Change the spelling
socialising
show examples
 skills. I'm able to confidently communicate with my classmates
as well as
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
others.
While
Linking Words
 playing
games
Use synonyms
, encountering
with
Change preposition
a
show examples
 stranger is less stressful and awkward because I can efficiently talk with them. The bond I have with my friends is
also
Linking Words
 stronger and
stable
Rephrase
more stable
show examples
due to
Linking Words
 gaming with them. In conclusion, reading stories in
book
Correct article usage
a book
show examples
 is
also
Linking Words
 a good way to entertain yourself and gain new information.
However
Linking Words
reading
Punctuation problem
, reading
show examples
 too much can be stressful and boring in
longer
Correct determiner usage
the long
show examples
 term
so
Punctuation problem
, so
show examples
 I disagree and believe that watching
TV
Use synonyms
 or playing video
games
Use synonyms
 are better than reading stories in books, but to gain benefits from these
hobbies
Punctuation problem
hobbies,
show examples
 you'll need to wisely use them.

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task response
Give a more direct answer to the question in the first paragraph. Say clearly why you disagree.
task response
Add one main idea about why reading can still be good, then explain why TV or games are better for you.
coherence and cohesion
Make each body paragraph focus on one clear point only.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words more carefully, like 'First', 'Also', 'However', and 'As a result'.
task response
Explain each example more. Show how it supports your main point.
coherence and cohesion
Check that each sentence connects well to the next one.
task response
You gave a clear opinion and kept it to the end.
task response
You used personal examples, especially about games and friends.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body, and conclusion.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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