IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people thinks reading stories in books is better than watch TV or playing computer games. To what extend do you agree or disagree.

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I believe that reading stories through
books
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 is better than watching
TV
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 or playing video
games
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, because reading doesn't just
enterain
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entertain
 you. It benefits the reader in many different ways. It helps in
term
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terms
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 of reading, vocabulary, concentration, and many more. The only downside is that readers can easily get bored, because when
reading
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reading,
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 there
are
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is
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 no animation, sound, or movement.
when
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When
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 reading
you
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, you
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 can only
virtualize
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virtualise
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 the settings and what is happening in the story.
UNlike
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Unlike
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TV
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 or
computer
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games
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games,
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 where sound could be heard, characters could be seen moving, and
setting
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the setting
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 could be seen. But in the end, reading improves the reader in many ways and aspects.
ANother
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Another
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 main reason why I agree to
this
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 topic is
because
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that
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 I strongly believe that
watvhing
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watching
TV
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 and playing
computer
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games
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 could harm people. When teenagers or kids watch
TV
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 or play
computer
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games
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. They often get addicted to it, which
harm
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harms
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 them both physically. Once kids are attached to something, it will be hard for them to be unattached. In my experience of playing
computer
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games
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. I highly believe that majorities of teenagers would stay up late to play
computer
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games
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.
Due to
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 lacks of sleep. It causes their health to
be
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apply
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worsen. Watching too much
TV
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 can
also
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 develop laziness. These are why
i
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I
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 think watching
TV
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 and playing
computer
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games
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 could harm people regardless of their age. In conclusion,
i
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I
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 still believe that reading
books
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 is better than watching
TV
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 or
play
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playing
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 video
games
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.
if
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If
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 new generations of kids can start reading
books
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.
it
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It
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 will
benefits
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benefit
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 them and form a good habit for them. But in the end, too much of something is always bad. So we should know our limit when reading. Don't just spend all your days reading or finding information in
the
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apply
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books
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. Spend time in the outside world
too
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, too
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. In the end, reading doesn't just help.
it
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It
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 benefits,
improve
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improves
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, and
enchance
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enhances
 their senses.

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task response
Answer all parts of the task more clearly. Say how much you agree in the first part and keep this clear all the way.
task response
Add one or two clear examples to support each main idea. This will make your points stronger.
task response
Develop your ideas more fully. Some points are good, but they need more explanation.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear topic sentences at the start of each body paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas more smoothly. Some sentences stop too fast or repeat the same point.
coherence and cohesion
Check paragraph flow. A few ideas in the conclusion are new and should be in the body instead.
task response
Your opinion is clear. You mostly agree that reading is better.
task response
You cover both reading and TV or games, so the answer stays on topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear beginning, middle, and end.
coherence and cohesion
Each body paragraph has one main idea.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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