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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Today many teenagers rely greatly on technology when learning. Is this a positive or negative development?

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In the modern world, with the advancement of
technology
Use synonyms
, a plethora of youngsters rely heavily on
technology
Use synonyms
 during academic learning. From my perspective, I am of the belief that it is a positive development for society as a whole. In the beginning,
Technology
Use synonyms
 has become more commonly used among teenagers in schools or at universities. To illustrate, the accessibility and efficiency of these electronic
devices
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 can lead to a better education for learners and children.
For instance
Linking Words
, unskilled people and difficult mathematical equations can easily be learned via flashcards and quizzes on various websites.
Thus
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, the development of
technology
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 can help teenagers and pupils improve their
quality of learning
Correct word order
learning quality
show examples
.
Nevertheless
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, the heavy reliance on
devices
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such
Linking Words
 as gadgets, laptops, or even iPads among children will affect the child's cognitive
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
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. To explain more, a myriad of breadwinners let their
devices
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to
Wrong verb form
apply
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teach their dependents the school
curriculums
Replace the word
curricula
. That definitely has a detrimental effect on their critical thinking and creativity skills.
Conversely
Linking Words
, if parents have the ability to control the time of using these smartphones properly.
Hence
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,
with the effective way of using
Correct word order
using technology effectively
show examples
technology
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 for learning purposes
, that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
 will raise the quality of learning and acquire new skills and ideas through digital learning channels.
However
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,the drawbacks of using
digitals
Use the right word
digital
show examples
devices
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 are that it harms your health.
For example
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, eye strain and lower back pain
due to
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setting
Verb problem
sitting for
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 a long time
at
Change preposition
in
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 the same position on your laptop. In conclusion, after explaining the above-mentioned points, what can be said is that
technology
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 has its merits and demerits among people. I reiterate my point of view that the advancement of
technology
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 has a positive impact on improving the learning process among learners.

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task response
Task response: You answer the question and give a clear view that this is positive. But you also spend much time on the bad side. Make your main view stronger in each body part.
task response
Task response: Your ideas are relevant, but some are not fully clear. For example, 'unskilled people' does not fit well here. Use simple and exact ideas.
task response
Task response: Your examples are useful, but they need to be more exact and natural. Give one clear example and explain how it helps learning.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: The essay has a clear start, body, and end. This is good. But some parts do not link well, especially in the second body part.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Some link words are used in the wrong way, like 'Conversely' and 'Hence'. Use link words only when the meaning fits.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Keep one main idea in one paragraph. In body 2, you talk about thinking skills, parents, time control, learning quality, and health. Split these ideas more clearly.
task response
Task response: You clearly give your opinion in the introduction and again in the conclusion.
task response
Task response: You discuss both good and bad sides, so the answer feels balanced.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Your essay has an introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: You use some link words such as 'For instance' and 'In conclusion' to guide the reader.
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