Some people believe that the best to produce a happier society is to ensure that tere are only small differences between the richest and poorest members. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Filling the
gap
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between social
heiracies
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hierarchies
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leads to a happier society. In recent societies, a lot argues that the huge difference between social
classes
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helps in increasing the differences in a society
which
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, which
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leads to more hate from both sides
to
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towards
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the other side. Others believe that financial state is made by a person's life choices and each should accept their fate in which reducing the social difference would be injust to the richer side. In my opinion, I partly agree with filling the
gap
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between both social
classes
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to
rise
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raise
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love and happiness for both sides. In recent days, a lot
demands
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of demands
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setting
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have been made to set
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a tax
to
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on
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the rich to pay the poor until it collides into one "middle class." In which, no more poor people will be going through financial crisis
while
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the rich celebrate the bare minimum of
acheivmants
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achievements
.
In addition
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to
this
Linking Words
, more worthy individuals would get what they deserve
of
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, of
show examples
life changing chances
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instead
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, instead
show examples
of the rich getting all of them to themselves or relatives. As an example of
this
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, in Sharia law it's stated that once a year the rich pays 2.5% of their wealth
either
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, whether
show examples
it
was
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is
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money or anything else
to
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, to
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the poor to help fill the
gap
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of social
classes
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and support people in need.
However
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, taking from the rich to give
the
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to the
show examples
poor will lead to more hate. Since giving the poor from the rich
would'nt
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wouldn't
be fair to the as they worked hard for what they got.
Furtherrmore
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Furthermore
, no
more people
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one
show examples
will work hard since in all cases they'll live a great life and get the money they need.
In which, it
Correct pronoun usage
This
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would increase the laziness between social
classes
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even
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, even
show examples
while
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having a happier society.
For example
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, when a teacher gives a bonus on a task for A+ and C+ to reduce the
gap
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. Students would bond
togetheir
Correct your spelling
together
and have a great bonding experience
yet
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, yet
show examples
it would stop them from studying as hard since they'll get the bonus anyway.
Overall
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, filling the
gap
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between two different
finanicial
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financial
classes
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would enhance social relationships
through
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by
show examples
decreasing the differences and
make
Wrong verb form
making
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them bond
togetheir
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together
,
instead
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of
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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being far apart.

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task response
Give a clearer answer to the question from the start. Say if you agree, disagree, or partly agree, and keep this same view all through the essay.
task response
Develop each main idea more. Explain why it leads to a happier society or why it may cause problems.
task response
Use examples, but make them very clear and closely linked to the main point.
coherence and cohesion
Make topic sentences simple and direct so each paragraph has one clear main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with clear words like first, also, however, and overall, but do not overuse long unclear phrases.
coherence and cohesion
Check that each sentence follows the one before it in a smooth way. Some parts now feel hard to follow.
task response
You answer both sides of the topic and give your own view.
coherence and cohesion
You include an introduction and a short conclusion.
task response
You use examples to support your ideas.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general
What to do next:
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