Some people think that the government should provide assistance for artists such as musicians, painters, and poets. Others think that it is a waste of money. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Many
people
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claim that
artists
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should be financially supported by the
government
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,
whereas
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others believe
government
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funds ought to be directed to other useful fields, as spending
money
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on art is considered wasteful.
This
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essay will discuss both perspectives before giving my opinion.
To begin
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with, there is a view that the
government
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has to allocate some
money
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to assist musicians, painters, and poets. As
people
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in other professions receive a monthly salary and bonuses, it is believed that
artists
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also
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have the right to receive financial assistance. Not allocating the necessary funds to
people
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in the
arts
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can create dissatisfaction and a sense of injustice in society.
Moreover
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, not providing a stable income for
artists
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can discourage the younger generation from choosing a career related to art.
This
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, in turn, could affect the future of the
arts
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.
Therefore
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, the
government
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is obliged to provide the necessary support to
artists
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.
However
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, some
people
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argue that there are more deserving public sectors that would benefit more from funding than the
arts
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.
As a result
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of global warming, many countries around the world are facing economic and agricultural crises. At
this
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time, in order to
stabilize
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stabilise
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the economy and prevent food shortages, the
government
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should allocate
money
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to these sectors.
Furthermore
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, the amount of
money
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needed for medical facilities is
also
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increasing as the number of patients grows day by day. Taking any hospital as an example, expensive equipment and medicine are needed to treat complex diseases.
Thus
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, a huge amount of
government
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funding is required to provide free medical treatment for citizens.
In addition
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, art can be considered self-sufficient to some extent. Many
artists
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earn
money
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by selling their work. Musicians can make
money
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by creating music for singers, and painters can
also
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sell their paintings at auctions or display them in galleries.
Consequently
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, earning a living and supporting themselves may not be a significant problem for
artists
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.
To sum up
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, even though some
people
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support the idea that providing assistance to
artists
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is necessary, there is another group of
people
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, including me, who believe that there are better ways to spend public funds than assisting
people
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in the
arts
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.

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task response
For task response, you answer both sides and give your opinion. To get a higher score, explain your own view more fully in the last body part, not only in the end.
task response
For task response, some ideas are good but a few are too general. Add one clear and real example for each side to make your points stronger.
task response
For task response, be careful with strong claims like 'the government is obliged'. A softer and more balanced line can sound more clear and logical.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your essay has a clear order: intro, one side, other side, and end. This is good. To score higher, link the third body part more clearly to the second, because now it feels a bit separate.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, most paragraphs have one main idea, but the first body part mixes fairness and future jobs in art. You can make one point deeper instead of two points quickly.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, you use link words well, but do not use too many simple links in the same way. Try to make the flow smooth by repeating key ideas in a natural way.
task response
You discuss both views and give your own opinion clearly.
task response
Your ideas stay on the topic, and the essay is complete.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear beginning, middle, and end.
coherence and cohesion
Your paragraphs are easy to follow, and link words help the reader.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
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