IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The rise of social media has affected personal relationships and society as a whole. do the advantages of using social media for communicationn outweigh the disadvantages

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Close relationships and the public have been altered entirely by the growing popularity of social
media
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.
While
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 it has some benefits, I strongly believe that social
media
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 has changed the way
people
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 communicate with each other irreversibly because they
use
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 text messages to express their
ideas
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 and thoughts
instead
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 of using facial expressions and gestures, which are important in
communication
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. These drawbacks outweigh the advantages. One major advantage of the increasingly popular social
media
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 is that there is a considerable reduction in the time spent reaching a person or waiting for a response, which assists
people
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 in their jobs.
This
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 is because they can share their products to sell them on social
media
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and
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, and
show examples
 they can easily contact their customers.
As a result
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, their selling rates can increase rapidly.
For instance
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, my friend who has a shop in our neighbourhood started to sell his products on social
media
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, and his profit has increased incredibly in a few months.
Therefore
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, there is a strong link between using social
media
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 for
communication
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 and
people
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's business.
However
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, social
media
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 has a detrimental effect on
people
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's
communication
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 in close relationships. Adults
use
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 social
media
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 platforms to have conversations with their
friends
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, but they cannot distinguish between a real and a fake reaction in a chat. Because in a face-to-face conversation,
people
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use
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 gestures and facial expressions that demonstrate important signs about their
friends
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' real
ideas
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. To illustrate, I
use
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 some chat platforms
such
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 as WhatsApp where I talk with my
friends
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, and I cannot understand their point of view about a topic, forcing me to meet them and ask them again about their
ideas
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 about the topic.
Thus
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, social
media
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 has a negative impact on
people
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's daily
communication
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. In conclusion,
although
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 there are some advantages of using social
media
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 in
people
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's jobs, I firmly maintain that social platforms have become a major obstacle to genuine
communication
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 in conversations, leading
people
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 to misunderstand their
friends
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'
ideas
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.

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task response
Make your main answer more direct in the first part. Say clearly that the bad points are stronger than the good points.
task response
Add one more clear bad point. Now your essay gives more space to one bad point only.
task response
Use examples that are a bit more general, not only your own story, to make your ideas stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas more smoothly. Some parts jump fast from one idea to the next.
coherence and cohesion
Do not repeat the same idea words too much, like communication, ideas, and social media.
coherence and cohesion
Make topic sentences more exact, so the reader knows the point of each body paragraph at once.
task response
You answer the question and give a clear opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear opening, two body parts, and a closing.
task response
You use examples to support your points.
coherence and cohesion
The last line clearly repeats your main view.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • stay in touch
  • long-distance communication
  • instant message
  • low-cost way
  • share updates
  • social connection
  • sense of community
  • build networks
  • face-to-face interaction
  • real-life relationship
  • shallow communication
  • body language
  • mental health
  • social pressure
  • compare themselves to others
  • cyberbullying
  • false information
  • waste of time
  • balanced use
  • outweigh the disadvantages
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