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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The pie chart shows the amount of money that a children's charity located in the USA spent and received in one year, 2016. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

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These two pie charts are displaying how a children's
charity
Use synonyms
 located in the USA spent and received
money
Use synonyms
 throughout the calendar year of 2016. The primary source of revenue reported was food donation, and most expenditures of the foundation were made up by
program
Use synonyms
 services. When it comes to the
money
Use synonyms
 raised by the
charity
Use synonyms
 throughout 2016, the total
amount
Use synonyms
 raised was $53,561,580. Donated food was by far the main avenue of income for the
charity
Use synonyms
, making up 86.8% of all
money
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 raised. The second and third most important sources of revenue were community contributions and
program
Use synonyms
 revenue, contributing to 10.4% and 2.2% of the budget, respectively.
Finally
Linking Words
, investment income and government grants each contributed to 0.2% of the budget, and other income makes up the final 0.4%.
In regards to
Change preposition
Regarding
show examples
 the expenditures of the
charity
Use synonyms
, a total
amount
Use synonyms
 of $53,224,896 was used. Of
this
Linking Words
amount
Use synonyms
, 95.8% of it was spent on
program
Use synonyms
 services, making up the majority of the spending of
this
Linking Words
 foundation. The only other contributors to the spending of the
charity
Use synonyms
 were not only fundraising, at 2.6%, but
also
Linking Words
 management and general costs, making up the final 1.6% of general spending. In conclusion,
this
Linking Words
charity
Use synonyms
 was able to most effectively raise
money
Use synonyms
 through food donations. It was able to spend a nearly equivalent
amount
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 to the
money
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 raised, within the year
of
Change preposition
apply
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2016, with a majority of it going to
program
Use synonyms
 services.

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words charity, money, program, amount with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 4 times.
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