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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

some people believe that nowadays we have too many choices to what extent do you agree or disagree

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In the modern era, certain individuals believe that there are more
options
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 in
life
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 than
earlier
Rephrase
in the past
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. I agree with
this
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 statement as
people
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 have more
choices
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 in
life
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 to choose from
due to
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 connectivity and
development
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.
Firstly
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, connectivity is one of the reasons for having many
choices
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. nowadays
people
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 are more connected to each other , which helps them with more
options
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. After the invention of the internet and the mobile phone,
people
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 are more connected to each other, which provides more
options
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 to connect that were not possible earlier in
life
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. For instance, the invention of video calls plays a major factor , as earlier
people
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 living in foreign countries were not able to talk to their family members , and the only option was an international call, which has changed
today
Punctuation problem
today,
show examples
 as
people
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 have more
options
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.
As a result
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,
people
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 have been more connected to each other than earlier.
Secondly
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,
development
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 have provide more
options
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 in a person's
life
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 which were not available earlier. A new start-up has given more
choices
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 in field jobs , so
people
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 have more
options
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 in choosing work than before. For example, the food delivery apps have created a new type of employment for
people
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 , which gives them more ways to earn money than before.
Therefore
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, the
development
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 of technology plays a major role in creating more
options
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 nowadays.
To conclude
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,
people
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 have more
choices
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 than ever before in many aspects of
life
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 , like education, jobs and many more,
whereas
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 the
development
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 in technology and connectivity through the internet and phones plays an important role in creating too many
options
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 for
people
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.

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task response
Answer the full question more directly. Say clearly why you agree, and show if there is any limit to your view.
task response
Make your main idea more exact. 'Too many choices' means not only more choices, but maybe so many that people feel stress or doubt. Write about this point.
task response
Give one more clear example for each main point. This will make your ideas stronger and easier to trust.
task response
Some ideas repeat, like 'more options' and 'connected'. Try to add new points instead of saying the same idea again.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, body, and end. Keep this shape.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words carefully. Good words are 'first', 'second', 'for example', and 'therefore', but do not use them too much.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence flow. Some sentences are long and not smooth. Shorter sentences can make your meaning clearer.
coherence and cohesion
Make each body paragraph stay on one main point only. This helps the reader follow your ideas easily.
task response
You answer the question and give a clear opinion: you agree.
task response
Your main points are easy to see: connection and development.
task response
You use examples like video calls and food delivery apps. These fit the topic well.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Ideas move in a logical order from one paragraph to the next.
coherence and cohesion
You use simple linking words to connect ideas.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • overwhelmed
  • decision fatigue
  • paralysis by analysis
  • consumerism
  • globalization
  • personal autonomy
  • market saturation
  • option overload
  • decision-making process
  • psychological well-being
  • buyer's remorse
  • customization
  • trade-offs
  • minimalism
  • information superhighway
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