IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

In some parts of the word traditional festivals and celebrations have disappeared or are disappearing. What problems is this causing? What solutions could be taken to counter this situation?

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In some
countries
Add a comma
countries,
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 traditional
celebrations
Use synonyms
 and festivals are being
vanished
Verb problem
lost
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.
This
Linking Words
 leads to many identity problems among nations. In
this
Linking Words
 essay,
i
Fix capitalization
I
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 will discuss the causes of
this
Linking Words
 trend and what solutions could be taken to counter
this
Linking Words
 situation. Some countries are experiencing
an
Correct article usage
a
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 disappearance of their ethnic
celebrations
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 issue is now widely spread
among
Change preposition
in
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 some parts
in
Change preposition
of
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 the world. It's causing many identity issues,
that
Correct word choice
as
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 the young generations
is white washed
Correct subject-verb agreement
are whitewashed
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 and do not want to participate in these festivals.
Now
Punctuation problem
Now,
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 many young adults are finding it embarrassing to cherish and participate in their traditional
celebrations
Use synonyms
,
many
Correct word choice
and many
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 argue that
this
Linking Words
 is a tool of cultural
colonization
Change the spelling
colonisation
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. Nowadays,
people
Use synonyms
 want to participate in other
culturals
Correct your spelling
cultures
 just because they find it cool or more interesting than their own
cultural
Replace the word
culture
 and
traditions
Use synonyms
. There are many solutions that could be taken to counter
this
Linking Words
 problem.
Firstly
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, governments should enforce cultural subjects in schools, where every student has to participate and engage in their cultural exhibitions.
Also
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, parents should help their children cherish their
traditions
Use synonyms
 from a very young age.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 from all over the world should spread awareness and showcase their
culturals
Correct your spelling
cultures
 and
traditions
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, if more and more individuals start sharing their cultural
Use synonyms
celebrations
Punctuation problem
celebrations,
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 more
people
Use synonyms
 would engage and
also
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 start sharing their own. In conclusion,
i
Fix capitalization
I
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 think more
people
Use synonyms
 should start engaging in their
traditions
Use synonyms
 and
celebrations
Use synonyms
, because it reflects their identity and ancestry.

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task response
Answer both parts more fully. You talk more about identity problems, but you need more clear problems and more clear solutions.
task response
Give one or two more specific examples. Your example about sharing culture is a bit general.
task response
Make your ideas more clear and full. Some points are good, but they need more detail about how and why.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer paragraph focus. One body paragraph for problems and one body paragraph for solutions would be better.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas in a more smooth way. Some sentences jump fast from one idea to another.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence order and small grammar form, because they sometimes make the meaning less clear.
task response
You answer the topic and give both problems and solutions.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body, and conclusion.
task response
The main idea about culture and identity is clear.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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