IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people believe that the increasing use of computers and mobile phones for communications has had a negative effect on young people's reading and writing skills. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
Nowadays, the human population believe that the increasing usage of phones and computers is harmful to the group's knowledge. I completely agree with
this
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 point.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, these days technology is developing day by day, people might learn a lot of
skills
Use synonyms
 through their gadgets,
such
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 as their mobile phones or computers.
For instance
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, before, people basically wrote essays on paper, but in the present day , they often use keyboards, meaning that they have to learn these
skills
Use synonyms
,
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apply
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while
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 they are typing.
Moreover
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, increasing the use of gadgets can have a positive effect on the teenager's writing
skills
Use synonyms
, since
this
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 enabling folk to identify their mistakes and correct them rather than repeatedly making the same mistakes.
Conclusion
On the other hand
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, rising to the operation of
this
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 technology might undermine cl's reading and writing abilities. Because
,
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 young people tend to spend their time on digital content,
such
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 as social media posts and messages, rather than read a length articles.
As a result
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, they may have difficulties to understand text's information.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, children will lose their writing
skills
Use synonyms
, since they are used to writing short essays through the autocorrect digital patterns.
As a result
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, they might develop spelling mistakes without being aware of them.

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task response
State your main view clearly and keep it the same. You say you fully agree, but your first main part says phones and computers can help writing. Explain why the bad points are stronger, or change your view to partly agree.
task response
Answer the full question about both reading and writing. Give one clear idea for reading and one clear idea for writing, then explain each idea with a simple real example.
task response
Use more exact examples. For example, say that short social media posts may make young people less able to read a long book or school text.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clear four-part plan: introduction, one main part on reading, one main part on writing, and a short ending. Add an ending that repeats your main view.
coherence and cohesion
Make each main part focus on one idea. The first main part has both good and bad ideas, so it is hard to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words used in the right way: "For example", "As a result", and "However". Do not start a full sentence with "Because" after a full stop.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear words for people. Replace unclear words such as "the group", "folk", and "cl" with "young people", "children", or "teenagers".
task response
You discuss both good and bad effects of phones and computers, and you give ideas about reading and writing.
task response
Your points about short online posts and auto-correct are related to the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction and two main parts, which gives it a basic clear shape.
coherence and cohesion
You use some helpful link words, such as "For instance", "Moreover", and "As a result".
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • read
  • writing
  • text
  • message
  • phone
  • computer
  • screen
  • online
  • book
  • story
  • article
  • blog
  • news
  • idea
  • spell
  • grammar
  • sentence
  • word
  • spelling
  • practice
  • habit
  • focus
  • attention
  • school
  • teacher
  • student
  • learn
  • improve
  • balance
  • rules
  • time
  • homework
  • class
  • discuss
  • feedback
  • typing
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