IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Government should make people responsible for looking after their own local environment. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In my opinion, I absolutely agree
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
this
Linking Words
 statement as I believe that everyone in our community shall share the burden of
costs
Correct article usage
the costs
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 of pollution. Nowadays, many factories keep pouring manufactured waste or
sewages
Check wording
sewage
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 into the river and into the sea,
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 would
be
Wrong verb form
apply
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definitely
caused
Wrong verb form
cause
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 disaster to the ocean.
Image
Verb problem
Imagine
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 how torture to
a
Correct article usage
apply
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torture when it is found sucked with a plastic bag? To protect our
surrounding
Replace the word
surroundings
, the government shall impose rules and regulations
to
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on
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 the owners of these kinds of industries to take necessary steps to avoid
abandon
Wrong verb form
abandoning
show examples
such
Linking Words
 litter into the water of public use. For serious cases,
such
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 companies’ users may
also
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 be
penalized
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penalised
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 by heavy taxes or monetary surcharges for leaving
such
Linking Words
 damages
into
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in
show examples
 the public area. Apart from our ocean, our atmosphere is
also
Linking Words
 another issue which we have to take one more step to prevent being polluted by
noises
Check wording
noise
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 and
smokes
Check wording
smoke
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. People living
with
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in
show examples
 a
civilized
Change the spelling
civilised
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 place shall be more polite by not talking too loudly or making
so
Correct determiner usage
such
show examples
 high-volume noise in the common area. Well educated civilian shall behave themselves
with
Change preposition
in a
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 proper manner by not smoking in any open place. Even water dropping from the air-conditioners is
also
Linking Words
consider as
Wrong verb form
considered
show examples
 a kind of nuisance to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
others. Anyone with self-discipline shall know how to maintain their living location clean, tidy and
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
 place to live in. In the conclusion, I agree that the government shall impose more laws
in
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apply
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related to the protection
of the
Remove the redundancy
apply
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of the city. To save the planet, everyone shall make a small
portion
Check wording
contribution
show examples
 to improve
this
Linking Words
 world without any hesitation.

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task response
Write a clearer answer to the question. Say why people should be responsible, and how much the government should do too.
task response
Use one main idea in each body paragraph, then explain it more fully.
task response
Add more real and clear examples. For example, talk about homes, streets, parks, or local rivers.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas more clearly. Some lines jump too fast from one point to another.
coherence and cohesion
Check paragraph focus. The part about noise, smoke, and air-conditioner water feels too wide and not well tied to the main point.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words well: first, also, for example, as a result, in conclusion.
task response
You give a clear opinion from the start: you agree with the idea.
task response
You cover more than one part of the environment, such as water and air.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Some ideas are grouped into paragraphs, which helps the reader follow your writing.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • local environment = the area near where people live
  • take responsibility = accept the duty to do something
  • look after = protect and care for
  • litter = small pieces of trash left in public places
  • public awareness = what people know and understand
  • community spirit = a feeling of care and help in a local area
  • green habits = daily actions that help nature
  • recycling = using waste again in a new way
  • strict laws = strong rules that people must follow
  • public services = services such as waste collection and cleaning
  • shared responsibility = when two sides both have a duty
  • long-term change = change that lasts for many years
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