IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2

Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters (such as food, clothes, and entertainment) is likely to result on a society of individuals who only think their own wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about matter that affect them. Discuss both these view and give your own opinion.

2.0 / 9
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Introduction
People
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
 that allowing
childrens
Replace the word
children
 to decide their own choices on matters
such
Linking Words
 as food, clothes,
entertainment
Correct word choice
and entertainment
show examples
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 will make them selfish. Other believes that it is essential for children to make their own decisions for their own good.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both
viewpoins
Correct your spelling
viewpoints
 and
give
Verb problem
apply
show examples
provide my perspective.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
Linking Words
 with, every single person
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 their own opinions.
some
Fix capitalization
Some
show examples
 people think allowing children to make
there
Use the right word
their
show examples
 own
Use synonyms
decision
Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
show examples
 will change their
behavious
Correct your spelling
behaviour
 for society.
However
Linking Words
, it is their
parents
Check wording
parents'
show examples
 responsibility to look after the
decision
Use synonyms
ande
Correct your spelling
and
 give them permission
accordingly
Linking Words
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, young kids do not have
enougf
Correct your spelling
enough
 knowledge to make
Use synonyms
decision
Check wording
decisions
show examples
 for their own good.
Body paragraph 2
So allowing kids to make
there owne
Correct your spelling
their own
decision
Use synonyms
 can be a bad move until they got enougf knowlege of society.
Body paragraph 3
On the other hand
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,
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 argue that children should decide what is good for them and take their own
desicion
Correct your spelling
decision
while
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 choosing
favourite
Correct determiner usage
their favourite
show examples
 food.
In addition
Linking Words
, they choose what to wear in society
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
Linking Words
also they can
Correct word order
they can also
show examples
 watch anything they like.
Body paragraph 4
In my opinion, kids are like
empty
Correct article usage
an empty
show examples
 pendrive
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 they learn what they see. So there must be some restriction
Conclusion
on what they see, eat and watch, because parents know better.

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task response
Answer both sides more fully. Now both sides are there, but the ideas are short.
task response
Give your opinion in a clear way and keep it the same from start to end.
task response
Add one simple example for each main idea. This will make your points stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear paragraph order: intro, side 1, side 2, your opinion, end.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words like first, however, also, for example, and in my opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Make each paragraph stay on one main idea. Some parts now jump too fast.
task response
You answered both views and gave your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
There is an introduction and a short ending.
task response
Your main topic stays on children and choice, so the essay is on task.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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