IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many people go and work in other countries, and bring their families with them. Do advantages for families outweigh disadvantages?

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The phenomenon of moving abroad with their family in
seek
Replace the word
search
 of work and eventually
better
Correct article usage
a better
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life
Use synonyms
 has become increasingly ubiquitous in many countries.
While
Linking Words
this
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 has its certain benefits, I am convinced that drawbacks can clearly overshadow it. Moving abroad,
people
Use synonyms
 aim
for finding
Wrong verb form
to find
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 well-paying jobs
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 and better
life
Use synonyms
 conditions. It seems that
life
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 overseas is profoundly better than in their motherlands, so, without taking potential issues into account,
people
Use synonyms
 blindly go abroad and face difficulties. Once they overcome it, these difficulties strengthen them
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 ultimately pays off later on. Over
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time
Punctuation problem
time,
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 they learn the language, culture, and adapt to the new environment, and
at the end
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 of the
day
Punctuation problem
day,
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 they find employment and flourish if they didn't give up.
On the other hand
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, in my opinion,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life
Use synonyms
 in foreign countries may be difficult to adapt
.
Change preposition
to.
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 Family
life
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 is undoubtedly difficult, and taking a risk of moving to another country in
seek
Replace the word
search
 of
better
Correct article usage
a better
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life
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 may have detrimental effects on their lives. Food, bills,
burocracy
Correct your spelling
bureaucracy
, or at least living costs may be a huge burden on
family's
Correct article usage
a family's
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 budget, without taking into account health problems. If they are not prepared for
this
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, they can end up with devastating outcomes.
Therefore
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, it is a wiser decision for
people
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 to build
much
Correct article usage
a much
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 stronger budget and only
then
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 move to another country, but not only for finding a
better paying
Correct your spelling
better-paying
 job.
To conclude
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,
while
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 it is believed that moving to another country can make
people
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's lives better, I believe that it cannot to some extent, especially considering cases of many
people
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 who moved and
consequently
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 ended up being homeless, jobless, and with issues over the
moons
Use the right word
months
show examples
.

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task response
Give a more clear answer all through the essay. You say the bad points are stronger, but the first body part gives a lot of good points.
task response
Add one or two real and clear examples to support your ideas. This will make your points stronger.
task response
Explain your main ideas more fully. Some points are too general, like jobs, costs, and health problems.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer topic sentences at the start of each body paragraph so the reader can follow your ideas more easily.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas more carefully. Some parts move too fast from one point to another without enough connection.
coherence and cohesion
Keep each paragraph focused on one main idea. The first body paragraph mixes benefits and problems.
task response
You answer the question and give your opinion clearly in the introduction and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear basic structure with introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use some linking words like while, on the other hand, and therefore.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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