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Writing Samples
Band 7

It is commonly believed that nowadays main factors that affect a child's development are media, pop culture and friends. A different point of view is that family plays the most significant role. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Nowadays, there are an excessive number of factors that influence the development of a
child
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. Some claim that the
media
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, school, friends, and pop culture have the most impact,
while
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 others argue that family upbringing shapes a
child
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's personality more deeply. I will examine both perspectives, strongly supporting the idea that family has the most profound significance.
To begin
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 with,
due to
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 the rapid growth of technology, nearly all children have access to digital devices,
such
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 as smartphones, tablets, and computers.
This
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 can provide kids with faster education,
as well as
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 enhance their
overall
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 cognitive and analytical abilities.
For example
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, those who consume more global
media
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 content from an early age have different views on social concerns.
Besides
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 that, a minor's surface-level behaviours,
in particular
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 fashion style, taste in music, slang, or attitudes towards study and work, are shaped by school and peers.
On the other hand
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, a
child
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's core identity is firmly rooted in parenting style and communication with parents and siblings.
In other words
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, parents start nurturing their offspring from the moment of birth, gradually instilling inner values long before the
media
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 or peers come into play.
Moreover
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, children learn how to effectively navigate social situations and reach compromises through sibling rivalry. Values and beliefs are embedded in offspring through family interactions, shaping the way they distinguish right from wrong throughout their entire lives. In my opinion, family has a far more essential impact on a
child
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's development than news, pop culture, and friends.
This
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 is mainly because
media
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 trends, culture, and circles of friends tend to change over time, but family upbringing stays forever.
Therefore
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, I firmly believe that no external factor can replace the profound and lasting influence of family upbringing on a
child
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's
overall
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 development. In conclusion,
while
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 external factors,
such
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 as mass
media
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 and peer pressure, undeniably mould children's outward
behaviors
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behaviours
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, I strongly contend that the home environment remains the greatest and most lasting force in shaping an individual's inner self and ethical growth.

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task response
For task response, you answer all parts of the question and give your opinion clearly. To be even better, add one more direct example for each side.
task response
For task response, your ideas are clear and easy to follow. Try to explain a little more how family is stronger than media in real daily life.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your essay has a clear plan: intro, both sides, opinion, and conclusion. This is very good.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, some linking is strong, but a few ideas could connect more smoothly. For example, the jump from media to school and friends in body 1 is a little fast.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your main points are supported, but the example about global media is still general. A more specific case would make it stronger.
task response
You discuss both views and give your own opinion in a clear way.
task response
Your position stays the same from start to end, which helps the essay feel strong and complete.
coherence and cohesion
Your paragraphs are well ordered and each one has a clear purpose.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are both clear and relevant.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • influence
  • development
  • media
  • pop culture
  • peers
  • family
  • social skills
  • beliefs
  • values
  • emotional support
  • moral guidance
  • aspirations
  • self-image
  • social development
  • value system
  • harmony
  • conflict
  • significant
  • behaviors
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