Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more accessible. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

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The affordable price of modern technologies leads adults to
work
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remotely
,
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apply
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and
children
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to study from
home
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. Despite the several advantages
this
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trend offers, I believe that
disadvantages
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the disadvantages
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outweigh
due to
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mental and social issues. Nowadays, most parents
work
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staying
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while staying
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at
home
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.
This
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has several advantages
like
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, like
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reducing travel expenses and balancing
work
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and life, as not attending
office
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the office
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, they will have flexble schedule and more time to spend with
children
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. For
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children
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children,
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home
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-based
education
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means adapting the study plan for them individually and their learning styles.
Moreover
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, it gives opportunity for
children
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with physical disabilities to get an
education
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not exiting
home
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. The
Covid-19
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COVID-19
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pandemic demonstrated that remote
education
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facilities may prevent the total collapse of the
education
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system.
On the other hand
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, the school period is a time for socialisation of
children
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.
While
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studying at
home
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, they do not receive social skills
such
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as team building, conflict resolution and communication
which
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, which
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can be gained by face-to-face interaction with teachers and students.
Moreover
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, adults who do not physically interact with colleagues
as a result
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feel stress and burnout.
For example
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, despite many people
work
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distancely , they prefer to go for a walk outside, as social interaction is a demand of
human
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the human
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organism. In conclusion, working from
home
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for adults and getting
home
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-based
education
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for
children
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has many positive sides like cutting office-related expenses and flexible day planning,
also
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adapting
education
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into
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to the
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child's pace and style.
However
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,
due to
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the social and psychological issues, I believe that
this
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is a negative development for both parents and
children
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.

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task response
Make your main answer more clear at the start. You say it is negative, and that is good, but say why in a short and direct way.
task response
Add one more clear example for children and one more for adults. This will make your ideas stronger.
task response
Some ideas are good but not fully explained. After each main point, add one sentence to show how or why it happens.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear 4-part shape: intro, 2 body parts, and conclusion. Keep this plan.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words carefully. Some are good, like 'On the other hand' and 'Moreover', but a few sentences feel too long or not smooth.
coherence and cohesion
Group ideas more clearly. Put all adult points together and all children points together in an easy order.
task response
You answer the question and give a clear opinion.
task response
You include both good and bad sides before giving your final view.
coherence and cohesion
There is a clear introduction and a clear conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Your paragraphs are easy to follow in general.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • remote work
  • e-learning
  • accessibility
  • inclusive
  • productivity
  • personalized learning
  • disciplined routine
  • interpersonal skills
  • cybersecurity
  • sustainability
  • work-life balance
  • physical disabilities
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