IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In number of countries, some people think it is necessary to spend large sums of money on constructing new railways lines for very fast trains between cities. Others believe the money should be spent on improving existing public transport. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Both views are right in their own mindset, but which is the best is highly debatable. Both are important aspects.
However
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, which is the best
is
Verb problem
depends
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 highly
depend upon
Change preposition
on
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 the scenario. The best outcome and decision can be made when the situation is presented with the
ever growing
Correct your spelling
ever-growing
population
Punctuation problem
population,
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 the strategies must be implemented and take pirority than the other whether
if
Correct word choice
apply
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it is to spend on existing
transport
Use synonyms
. Many countries
goes
Correct subject-verb agreement
go
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 through tough decisions
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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with
Correct word choice
while
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 keeping an eye on the use of public
Use synonyms
transport
Punctuation problem
transport,
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 the government
also
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 take account
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
faster ways so they
could
Wrong verb form
can
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 grow and innovate fast. So many people
believes
Correct subject-verb agreement
believe
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 that large amounts of money should be invested in building high technological
transport
Use synonyms
systems
Use synonyms
 and railways
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 could help and keep up with the growing population and
transport
Use synonyms
 them fast from one place to another.
This
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 could help the nation in securing the energy and resources
instead
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 of keep using the old
transport
Use synonyms
systems
Use synonyms
which
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, which
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 take more fuel and damage the environment through pollution. Today
every
Punctuation problem
, every
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 nation is advancing in technology
so
Punctuation problem
, so
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 in order to keep up with
them
Punctuation problem
them,
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 innovations must be made and new
transport
Use synonyms
systems
Use synonyms
 should be implemented.
However
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, many new
technology
Fix the agreement mistake
technologies
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 sometimes
could not
Wrong verb form
cannot
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 generate the best outcome. So to make sure the government
should
Wrong verb form
does
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 not ignore the existing
transport
Use synonyms
systems
Use synonyms
they
Punctuation problem
, they
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 can use the cash to innovate those
systems
Use synonyms
 and could pave new
railyway
Correct your spelling
railway
 networks.
Moreover
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, the government should keep and select the budget from the very start to keep these already functioning railway system upto date. As these
transporting
Replace the word
transportation
systems
Use synonyms
 are already working and facilitating the
public
Punctuation problem
public,
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 they should spend more on them and make them more appealing and satisfactory for the
nation
Replace the word
national
 bodies and keep
maintaing
Correct your spelling
maintaining
 them
as
Punctuation problem
, as
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 these
Use synonyms
transport
Replace the word
transportation
systems
Use synonyms
 can act as a
history
Check wording
reminder
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 that these were the
system which
Fix the agreement mistake
systems that
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 supported and contributed the most in the past. In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
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 the countries should divide their annual budget into two parts, one part is for building and testing new technological
transport
Use synonyms
systems
Use synonyms
Linking Words
for
Punctuation problem
, for
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 example, bullet trains
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 use the other part of the budget to invest and keep the already working railway
systems
Use synonyms
to be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
working at their peak.

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task response
Answer both sides more fully. You talk about new trains and old public transport, but some parts are too general.
task response
Give a clearer opinion early and keep it the same through the essay.
task response
Use one or two real and clear examples to support your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Make each body part about one main idea only.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas in a simple and clear way. Some lines repeat the same point.
coherence and cohesion
Check the order of ideas so each next sentence grows from the one before it.
task response
You discuss both views and you give your own opinion at the end.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has an introduction, body parts, and a conclusion.
task response
You stay on the topic of transport all through the essay.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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