IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

After graduation many students take a year to travel. Some think that it would be more useful to work for a year. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Spending a
year
Use synonyms
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 after graduating is a choice many students make,
although
Linking Words
 it is argued by some that working during
this
Linking Words
 period would be more relevant. I agree that it can be useful to invest time
gaining
Change preposition
in gaining
show examples
work
Use synonyms
experience
Use synonyms
 after graduation, but
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 can serve as a
way
Use synonyms
 to gain soft skills. On one hand, working for a
year
Use synonyms
 after graduation is a good
way
Use synonyms
 of gaining
real life
Correct your spelling
real-life
experience
Use synonyms
 right after finishing studying, because there is the possibility to learn hard skills and practical
experience
Use synonyms
 that will be relevant for a successful future career. To illustrate, a person who wants to
work
Use synonyms
 in the medical field someday can
work
Use synonyms
 at a store that sells medical equipment and get familiarised with
names
Correct article usage
the names
show examples
 and purposes of the items that are sold.
In addition
Linking Words
, I believe that earning money and starting an independent adult life is another relevant point to be considered, since most young adults wish to make their own money decisions.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, I admit that taking a gap
year
Use synonyms
 to travel after finishing your studies is a particularly good
way
Use synonyms
 to
experience
Use synonyms
 and understand different cultures and ways of thinking.
For instance
Linking Words
, if you live somewhere where the people are very closed to interpersonal relationships, there is the opportunity to go to a place
people
Correct word choice
where people
show examples
 are warm and welcoming.
Additionally
Linking Words
, you can build your personal confidence
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 on your own and having to practice your independence. One clear example is that someone who has trouble speaking in public will have to communicate with others daily in another country. In conclusion, I mostly agree that starting to
work
Use synonyms
 right after graduation is
of
Punctuation problem
, of
show examples
course
Punctuation problem
course,
show examples
 a great
way
Use synonyms
 to start an
idependent
Correct your spelling
independent
 life, making money and obtaining
experience
Use synonyms
. Alternatively, taking a
year
Use synonyms
 to travel can
also
Linking Words
 be of help and importance to learning new cultures and social skills.

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task response
Make your main view stronger from the start. Say more clearly why you agree more with work than travel.
task response
Add one or two more clear details to each example. This will make your ideas feel more full and strong.
task response
Some examples are a bit general. Use more direct and real cases to support your points.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear 4-part shape, which is good. Keep this structure.
coherence and cohesion
A few links sound a little long or unclear. Use short clear linking words and make each sentence easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
In one place, the idea about people being 'closed to interpersonal relationships' is hard to follow. Make this point simpler and clearer.
task response
You answer both sides of the topic and give your own view.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are both present and clear.
coherence and cohesion
Each body paragraph has one main idea.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • gap year
  • work experience
  • real world
  • earn money
  • save money
  • life skills
  • independent
  • future career
  • practical experience
  • personal growth
  • learn about culture
  • better choice
  • hard work
  • career plan
  • build confidence
What to do next:
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