IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Nowadays, many peple send their children to boarding schools so that they can have time to work. Do the advantages of this trend out weight the diadvantages?

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In recent years, many individuals
enroll
Wrong verb form
have enrolled
show examples
 their
children
Use synonyms
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 boarding
schools
Use synonyms
, in order to focus on their
Use synonyms
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
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 better.
Although
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 development has some drawbacks, I strongly believe it does more good than harm. On the one hand, sending
children
Use synonyms
 to boarding
schools
Use synonyms
 can be detrimental for both
children
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,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 and their parents. To clarify, living apart too early and for a long time may
affect negatively to
Correct word order
negatively affect
show examples
 their bond. It is in human nature
,
Correct word choice
that
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 when people see each other rarely, it becomes hard to develop special bonds like family ties or friendships.
As a result
Linking Words
, in their later years, they may never become a true family. A striking case in point can be seen in my hometown, where many families sent their
children
Use synonyms
 to
capital
Correct article usage
the capital
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 city to study. In most cases, they feel distant
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 and uncomfortable in family gatherings.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, studying in boarding
schools
Use synonyms
 can bring many benefits for both sides
conserned
Correct your spelling
concerned
. To illustrate, when
adolecents
Correct your spelling
adolescents
 study in these
schools
Use synonyms
, they are more likely to become successful in future. These
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
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 of institutions provide deeper education, and
wider
Correct article usage
a wider
show examples
 range of
career
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 choices. Another
popint
Correct your spelling
point
 that should not be overlooked is that, if parents secure high paying job in their early stage of
career
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, they are more likely to provide better living conditions, and support their
children
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's future
career
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. A good case in point can be seen in my home country, Uzbekistan, where many young adults get financial support in their early adulthood. In conclusion, in today's fast-paced world, many working individuals are sending their
children
Use synonyms
 to boarding school
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 in favour of their own
career
Use synonyms
 development.
While
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 trend came with some disadvantages, it
also
Linking Words
 brought greater advantages,
thus
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 outweighing all drawbacks.

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task response
Answer the question more directly. Say clearly why the good points are stronger than the bad points.
task response
Develop each main idea more. Add one more clear reason or result in each body paragraph.
task response
Your examples are helpful, but they are a bit general. Use more specific and clear examples.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, middle, and end. Keep this structure.
coherence and cohesion
Some ideas do not link smoothly. Use simple linking words like first, also, however, and as a result.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are not fully clear because of wording. Make each sentence short and direct.
task response
You answer both sides and give your opinion.
task response
You stay on the topic all through the essay.
coherence and cohesion
You have an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Each body paragraph has one main idea.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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