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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

The table shows information about metro systems in six different cities.

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Given
Correct article usage
The given
show examples
 table shares the data about 6 different
subway
Use synonyms
 systems.
Overall
Linking Words
,
New
Correct article usage
the New
show examples
 York City
Subway
Use synonyms
 is the longest and contains more
lines
Use synonyms
 than other systems.
However
Linking Words
, the highest annual journeys are made in Beijing
Subway
Use synonyms
. Mexico City
Subway
Use synonyms
 offers the cheapest
ticket
Use synonyms
 price. First criteria of
comparision
Correct your spelling
comparison
 is
Use synonyms
number
Correct article usage
the number
show examples
 of
lines
Use synonyms
. New York's underground consists of 24
lines
Use synonyms
 with
659
Correct word order
a length of 659 miles
show examples
miles
Use synonyms
length
Use synonyms
, what are making it the biggest among
comapring
Correct your spelling
comparing
 systems. About 1.65
billion
Use synonyms
 passengers use it annually
paying
Punctuation problem
, paying
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 2.50 dollars for each ride. London Tube has 11
lines
Use synonyms
 with
249
Correct word order
a length of 249 miles
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miles
Use synonyms
length
Use synonyms
 and
Use synonyms
number
Correct article usage
the number
show examples
 of annual trips is 1.2
billions
Fix the agreement mistake
billion
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, which makes
Use synonyms
system
Correct article usage
the system
show examples
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the least used.
However
Linking Words
, in terms of
ticket
Use synonyms
price
Add a comma
price,
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 it is keeping the first place with $7.30 for one
ticket
Use synonyms
. Tokyo
Subway
Use synonyms
 is not so huge
relatively
Change preposition
compared to
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 previous ones (only 13
lines
Use synonyms
 and
Use synonyms
length
Correct article usage
a length
show examples
with
Change preposition
of
show examples
 189
miles
Use synonyms
),
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 more than 3.1
billion
Use synonyms
 people use it yearly with
$1.64
Correct determiner usage
a $1.64
show examples
ticket
Use synonyms
 price. Paris underground
system
Use synonyms
 contains 16
lines
Use synonyms
, despite
Linking Words
this
Add a comma
this,
show examples
 its
length
Use synonyms
 is the shortest with 127
miles
Use synonyms
.
Although
Linking Words
 its
shortness
Punctuation problem
shortness,
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 it is used by 1.5
billion
Use synonyms
 annually
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 passengers have to pay 2.30
dollar
Fix the agreement mistake
dollars
show examples
 for each trip. In Mexico
number
Use synonyms
 of
lines
Use synonyms
 is comparatively less (12
lines
Use synonyms
)
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 the total
length
Use synonyms
 and
number
Use synonyms
 of passenger overweight the
Paris'
Punctuation problem
Paris
show examples
system
Use synonyms
with
Punctuation problem
, with
show examples
 140
miles
Use synonyms
 to 1.6
billion
Use synonyms
.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
Also,
show examples
 Mexico offers the cheapest tickets for visitors
$
Punctuation problem
, $
show examples
0.23 for one ride. There is another large
system
Use synonyms
 that stays in the second place after New York's metro by its size (19
lines
Use synonyms
 to 357
miles
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
length
Change preposition
in length
show examples
), it transports 3.6
billion
Use synonyms
 people annually,
what
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 makes
Use synonyms
system
Correct article usage
the system
show examples
 the most used.
Impressively
Punctuation problem
Impressively,
show examples
 it is the second cheapest underground
system
Use synonyms
 in
this
Linking Words
 table
$
Punctuation problem
, $
show examples
0.45 for a single
ticket
Use synonyms
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words subway, lines, ticket, number, miles, length, billion, system with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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