IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Some people think that living in big cities is bad for people's health. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Introduction
Certain
people
Use synonyms
 believe that living in huge urban areas is harmful
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
people
Use synonyms
's
health
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.
Although
Linking Words
 I concede that living in big cities can raise
people
Use synonyms
's
life
Use synonyms
 standards,
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 generally deem that it can cause several
health
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 challenges in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 long
time period
Check wording
term
show examples
.
Body paragraph 1
It is undeniable that
people
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 living in urban areas
posses
Correct your spelling
possess
 more opportunities to earn money, which allows them to afford a comfortable
life
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, better services and social options.
Body paragraph 2
In addition
Linking Words
, urban populations have easy access to hospitals and healthcare services, which can improve their
Use synonyms
life quality
Correct word order
quality of life
show examples
 as metropolises have more
specialized
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specialised
show examples
 doctors and
health
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 clinics.
Body paragraph 3
However
Linking Words
,
life
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 in metropolises could have possible drawbacks in terms of
health
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.
Body paragraph 4
First and foremost, urban areas pose serious
health
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 risks
due to
Linking Words
 polluted air. In a long time period, it can cause several medical conditions,
for
Linking Words
instance
Punctuation problem
instance,
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respiratory related
Correct your spelling
respiratory-related
 illnesses.
Body paragraph 5
Moreover
Linking Words
, another drawback is
noise
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 pollution. Constant background noises contribute to
noise
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 pollution
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 in the long
term
Add a comma
term,
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this
Linking Words
noise
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 can lead to mental stress and fatigue.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 it is true that cities offer better financial and healthcare opportunities, I believe that the negative effects of pollution and
noise
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 outweigh these benefits, making urban living generally harmful to
people
Use synonyms
's
health
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.

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task response
State your main view more clearly in the first part and keep it the same all through the essay.
task response
Add one short real example to support your points about air or noise.
task response
Explain your ideas a bit more deeply, not only name the problem but also show how it harms health.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer links between some sentences so the essay moves more smoothly.
coherence and cohesion
Put related ideas in one full paragraph and develop each main point more evenly.
coherence and cohesion
Check small word form and grammar issues because they can make the flow less clear.
task response
You answer both sides and give your own view in the end.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, body, and end.
coherence and cohesion
The main points are easy to follow.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • respiratory problems
  • population density
  • stress levels
  • mental health issues
  • sedentary lifestyles
  • healthcare facilities
  • cardiovascular diseases
  • psychological well-being
  • recreational areas
  • social networks
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