IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Every year large number of people migrate from one country to another for different reasons. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of migration for the individual and for society as a whole.

4.5 / 9
Band scoreView breakdown ↓
✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
Every year
large
Punctuation problem
, large
show examples
 numbers of
people
Use synonyms
 migrate from
one
Use synonyms
 country to another for different reasons. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of migration for the individual and for society as a whole.
Body paragraph 1
Nowadays huge
number
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 migrate from
one
Use synonyms
 place to another because of various factors.
According to
Linking Words
 the statistics of 2025
-
Punctuation problem
,
show examples
304 million
people
Use synonyms
 migrated from their
countries
Use synonyms
. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will touch on both
benefits
Add an article
the benefits
show examples
 and drawbacks of
this
Linking Words
 situation. On the
one
Use synonyms
 hand, there are a
number
Use synonyms
 of advantages for both individuals and the
countries
Use synonyms
 to which they are migrating. First of all,
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
 of the European
countries
Use synonyms
 are increasing. As we know
during
Punctuation problem
, during
show examples
 the
last
Linking Words
 30
years
Punctuation problem
years,
show examples
 Europe
is
Wrong verb form
has been
show examples
 facing the biggest demographic decline in history. Some of the
countries
Use synonyms
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as Germany, France, Austria
and
Correct word choice
,
show examples
etc.
Punctuation problem
etc.,
show examples
 are opening their doors for immigrants. So, throughout
Linking Words
last
Add an article
the last
show examples
decade
Punctuation problem
decade,
show examples
 the
number
Use synonyms
 of inhabitants
gradually
Verb problem
has gradually
show examples
increasing
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, there are many beneficial sides for immigrants.
For instance
Linking Words
,
major
Add an article
a major
show examples
number
Use synonyms
 of these
people
Use synonyms
 are escaping from injustice and bad
life
Use synonyms
 conditions
from
Change preposition
in
show examples
countries
Use synonyms
 like India,
Philippines
Add an article
the Philippines
show examples
, some African
countries
Use synonyms
 and some Arab
countries
Use synonyms
. They migrate to Europe and
USA
Add an article
the USA
show examples
 and find better jobs, better educational institutions and improved living conditions.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
, large-scale migration has some drawbacks. First of all,
countries
Use synonyms
 that receive a wave of migrants are slowly losing their
ethnicity
Check wording
ethnicities
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, some German cities
are belongs
Correct subject-verb agreement
belong
show examples
 to Turks. More than 3 million Turks are living in only
Koln
Correct your spelling
Cologne
 and Berlin
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 these numbers
keeps
Correct subject-verb agreement
keep
show examples
 increasing. Almost every German has at least
one
Use synonyms
 Turk in their bloodline. Another disadvantage is
many
Correct word choice
that many
show examples
 immigrants are
treating
Wrong verb form
treated
show examples
 not in the best way by some
people
Use synonyms
 in both
USA
Add an article
the USA
show examples
 and Europe. Racists are humiliating Africans and Indians
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
also
Linking Words
 some of them may even
Body paragraph 3
get bullied at
schools
Check wording
school
show examples
.
Body paragraph 4
In conclusion,
Use synonyms
number
Add an article
the number
show examples
 of migrants
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 surging year after year. It may be so hard to
Body paragraph 5
leave your hometown and start
completely
Add an article
a completely
show examples
 new
life
Use synonyms
 in
different
Add an article
a different
show examples
 place. But benefits
Body paragraph 6
are more than enough and of course not without
ddisadvantages
Correct your spelling
disadvantages
.In my
opinion
Punctuation problem
opinion,
show examples
 if
Body paragraph 7
you
Correct word choice
If you
show examples
 are not satisfied with the
life
Use synonyms
 conditions in your own
country
Punctuation problem
country,
show examples
 you have to try to
Conclusion
make your
life
Use synonyms
 better.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Answer all parts in a more even way. You explain the good and bad points for people, but the bad points for society need more detail. Add one clear bad point for the country people leave, such as fewer young workers or fewer skilled people.
task response
Make each main point more clear. For example, say how new people can help a country: they can fill jobs, pay tax, and help keep schools and shops open.
task response
Use more careful facts. The number in the first part is not needed, and the date is unclear. If you use facts, make sure they are right and easy to explain.
task response
Avoid very broad claims about groups of people. Say “some migrants” or “in some areas” instead of saying that whole cities or countries are changing in one way.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main parts, and an end. To make the flow better, give each paragraph one main idea and explain it before moving to the next idea.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words more carefully. You use “First of all” many times. Try “One benefit,” “Another benefit,” “However,” and “For example” so the links feel more natural.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow because of word form and grammar. For example, write “the population of European countries is increasing” and “the number of people has gradually increased.”
coherence and cohesion
Make the end match the full question. Sum up both the good and bad effects for people and society, then give your view in one short final sentence.
task response
You discuss both good and bad sides of migration, and you include effects on migrants as well as on the countries they move to.
coherence and cohesion
The main structure is easy to see: an introduction, a paragraph on benefits, a paragraph on problems, and a conclusion.
task response
The examples of better jobs, schools, and living conditions help show why migration can be useful for some people.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: