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Writing Samples
Band 5

Every year large number of people migrate from one country to another for different reasons. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of migration for the individual and for society as a whole.

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In the modern era, millions of
individuals
Use synonyms
 emigrate
because of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 various reasons.
This
Linking Words
 migration process leads to not only advantages, but
also
Linking Words
 some disadvantages for both
he
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 individual and society as a whole.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both
good
Correct article usage
the good
show examples
 sides and drawbacks of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
global migration. Regarding benefits, widespread movement of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
individuals
Use synonyms
 can contribute to the progress of citizens and
community
Correct article usage
the community
show examples
. Leaving one country and settling in a completely new land,
individuals
Use synonyms
 can use a variety of opportunities
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 societies can adopt new members. In a new environment, migrants can establish strong bonds with indigenous inhabitants and share their experiences mutually.
Similarly
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, communities of specific countries can easily benefit from the integration of different civilisations. When a social unit consists of members who represent various cultures and are loyal to their customs and traditions,
entire
Correct article usage
the entire
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neighborhood
Change the spelling
neighbourhood
show examples
can gain more insights regarding history, beliefs, religions, lifestyles
etc
Punctuation problem
, etc
show examples
. To illustrate, when Azerbaijanis living in a foreign country celebrate national holidays,
such
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 as Novruz, they make bonfires ,decorate tables with samples of national cuisine and pastry, say shekerbura, pakhlava, gogal and invite their
neighbors
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neighbours
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to
this
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 ceremony
that is
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 accompanied
with
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by
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 national music and dances.
In contrast
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, for
individuals
Use synonyms
as well as
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 society, the tendency to leave for abroad can bring about serious concerns. One major drawback is that massive international relocation results in
depletion
Correct article usage
the depletion
show examples
 of intellectual resources.
As a result
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 of the process called brain drain, millions of highly-skilled employees head to various countries around the globe.
For instance
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, a vast number of scientists, doctors, engineers,
IT
Correct word choice
and IT
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 professionals emigrate to different destinations across the world, in the hope of pursuing better career prospects.
To conclude
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, even though transnational emigration can benefit both the individual and society as a whole by contributing to cultural assimilation significantly, it can cause some issues,
such
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 as human capital flight, etc

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task response
Answer both parts more evenly. You talk more about culture, but less about other effects for people and society.
task response
Make your main ideas clearer. Some points are good, but a few are too broad and need fuller explanation.
task response
Add one more clear disadvantage for the person, not only for society.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear beginning, body, and end. Keep this shape.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words carefully. Some are good, but a few sentences are too long and heavy.
coherence and cohesion
Put one main idea in each paragraph and explain it step by step.
task response
You answer the topic and discuss good and bad sides.
task response
The example about Novruz is specific and helps your point.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are both present and clear.
coherence and cohesion
Your ideas usually follow a logical order.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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