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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The process diagram illustrates the steps by which liquid chocolcate is produced from cocoa beans.

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The given diagram demonstrates the stages of
cocoa
Use synonyms
 lettuce , which
provide
Correct subject-verb agreement
provides
show examples
 liquid chocolate.
Overall
Linking Words
,the process consists of 10 main steps ,beginning with the growth in different
part
Fix the agreement mistake
parts
show examples
 of the world and ending with the inner part of the pressed liquid chocolate produced ,and it is necessary that the product crosses each stage
Linking Words
otherwise
Punctuation problem
; otherwise
show examples
, the whole process could be destroyed if any single stage is skipped. As is presented in the diagram , the first step in collecting
cocoa
Use synonyms
 bucks starts with its growth in different parts of the world include Amarica ,
africa
Change preposition
including America
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,Indonesia.
The next step is
Linking Words
 that the white
cocoa
Use synonyms
beans
Use synonyms
 are collected from
its
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 body in a particular way. After collecting
bread
Punctuation problem
bread,
show examples
 it
placed
Verb problem
was placed
show examples
 between some
leaf
Fix the agreement mistake
leaves
show examples
 which may help the white cabbage to turn
their
Fix the agreement mistake
its
show examples
 original form.
Then
Linking Words
 at
this
Linking Words
 step ,
cocoa
Use synonyms
 is placed to dry in
fornt
Correct your spelling
front
 of
sun
Correct article usage
the sun
show examples
 , which helps to consume moist from the lettuce .
after
Capitalize the word
After
show examples
 drying the
beans
Use synonyms
, store into large shocks
.now
Punctuation problem
. Now
show examples
 the product is distributed via factory logistics or train.
Following
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, the
beans
Use synonyms
 those store in
factory
Correct article usage
the factory
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 became roasted in
roaster
Correct article usage
the roaster
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 machine..the roaster
beans
Use synonyms
 passed trought outer shell
remove
Replace the word
removal
 process and
Verb problem
were
show examples
formed crusher
where
Punctuation problem
, where
show examples
Use synonyms
beans
Correct article usage
the beans
show examples
 are turned into powder .The final product is sent to its finishing stage
there
Correct word choice
, where
show examples
 it turns into liquid form .

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Vocabulary: Replace the words cocoa, beans with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "diagram" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "growth" was used 2 times.
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