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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Each year, the crime rate increases. What are the causes of crime and what could be done to prevent this rise in criminal activity? #181

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In today's world, some
poeple
Correct your spelling
people
 argue that the number of total crimes has been increasing each year
due to
Linking Words
 inflation.
others
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Others
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 may say that it is because of the lack
or
Change preposition
of
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 morality and religion.
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although
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Although
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 both are possible causes
to
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of
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this
Linking Words
 serious
peoblem
Correct your spelling
problem
, it is important to establish which of these
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 the main culprit in order to counter it. With the continueous rise of the inflation rate each year, robbery rates will increase as well, people not being able to buy simple weekly groceries or home necessities is causing fraustration that might result to stealing,
for example
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 a mother with newly born babies might need to buy the milk formula to feed her baby but, not being able to afford it because of how expensive it is now is a very direct motive to make her steal money to help her baby.
Consequently
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, it is
cruical
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crucial
 for human beings to be grounded and stick to their morals,
wether
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whether
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 it
being
Wrong verb form
be
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 from the religion they follow or their own view of right and wrong. A person with morals will not care about inflation or how easy it is to rob money or belongings, because they
belive
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believe
 that it is wrong
no
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, no
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 matter what happens to
them
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them,
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 they should not reach that level of low-life.
To conclude
Linking Words
, having morals and raising campaigns about religions and integrity
,
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apply
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 is the most helpful and
preventional
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preventive
 way to stop and decrease crime rates for
upcoming
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the upcoming
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 years.

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task response
Answer both parts more clearly. Write one full part about causes and one full part about how to stop crime.
coherence and cohesion
Make your main idea very clear in each body paragraph. Put the topic sentence first.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a simple and correct way, like First, Also, For example, and To conclude.
task response
Explain your ideas more. Some points are good, but they need one more step of support.
task response
Be careful with paragraph focus. The second body paragraph talks more about morals than real actions to prevent crime.
task response
You answer the topic and give two causes of crime.
task response
You include an example about a mother, and this helps support your point.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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